What It Means To Be A Victim

In some ways, I believe that being a victim of something, has been romanticised. We glorify experiences that people have had. We make victims into warriors, not because we mean harm, but because we don't know what else to do. We don't know how else to react to the pain and the suffering that someone has been through, in an experience that is so completely different from our own experiences. So instead we admire them, but we don't understand them.

I would like to share what it means to be a victim, and then give some advice about how to deal with being a victim, with the hope that this post will not only give you some understanding, but it will give you the tools to deal with your friends or family members that may be dealing with the fallout of certain issues that make them a victim.

What does it mean to be a victim? 
Whilst most people think that being a victim means having survived a horrific event, I would like to explain what being a victim really means.

Being a victim means being afraid. It means being afraid of the person or people who inflicted such pain on you. Afraid of yourself and the person you might become. Being a victim means sleepless nights, bouts of depression and anxiety for things that seem unrelated but none the less haunt you for years.

Being a victim means suffering with PTSD, possible eating disorders and mood swings. It means living your life with the knowledge that other people that are in your age group have no idea of what you've been through, and will never be able to understand you. It means being confused about who you are, and doubting yourself. Being a victim means being so lonely that you are forced to turn to someone, but when you do, the empty feeling that you experience when they just don't understand makes you wish you'd just have kept quiet.

Being a victim means that you are strong and brave, but more fragile than you realise. It means spending the rest of your life forcing yourself to move on, and make something of yourself, even though what you really want to do is disappear. It means good days that leave you on a high, but bad days that leave you in the lurch, possibly for days after.

But most of all, being a victim means that on some days, the rain falls so hard and fast it feels as if the bad feelings are never going to go away. You feel disgusted by yourself and constantly put yourself down. However, on the sunny days, you look at all the things you have accomplished even after all you have survived, and you know that your victories outweigh all the bad things that you have suffered, a million times over. Because when you see all your victories, you know that you are nothing like your worst fears, but instead you are the person you have always wanted to become.

A few helpful tips for helping a victim: 
1) Listen!! Listen to your friend/ family member. Let them speak. Don't force what they have to say, but instead just let them say what they need to say. Most likely they will feed you bits of information here and there instead of just telling you everything straight. But if they do tell you something, know that it is because they trust you, and for them, trust is not something that comes easy, so keep reassuring them that you will not disclose this information to anyone.

2) Overreacting/ Minimising. Whilst there is literally nothing worse than you pouring your heart out to someone, and them just reducing it down to something that a child wouldn't be bothered by, at the same time, crying over what you have been told is not helpful either. It makes the victim feel even worse than they already do, and will just make them shut off. You might not realise that you are minimising the pain or experience, but trying to change the subject, laughing, making light of the situation or just trying to avoid talking about it, makes the person feel worse. The victim doesn't want you to find you an answer, nor are they expecting you to take the pain away, they just want to talk, and making them feel like a burden or like they're making a huge deal of nothing is likely to enhance any private and personal feelings they have about themselves.

3) Comparing. If your friend or relative is telling you about the time she nearly killed herself in an overdose, DO NOT compare it to the time you wanted to buy a new pair of shoes so you went to the shop but they didn't have your size, so you were so depressed you nearly killed yourself. It is not helpful, it is not useful, just don't do it!

Hope this was useful insight,
LF, LR and MG
xxx

How to Bite Your Tongue

Sometimes, you come across some genuinely lovely people. They comfort you when you're down and never cease to put a smile across your face. They are warm, welcoming and just downright great people.

Sometimes, you meet people who are the exact opposite. Every little thing that they do grates on you and some things seem as if they are doing it with you in mind, purely because they know you wouldn't like it. You will never get used to their ignorance and attention-seeking behaviour, which contrasts so greatly to your own nature.

It seems impossible to stop yourself from speaking your mind and telling this person how you truly feel. Though there are some things to bare in mind...

1) Words are powerful

It is easy to forget that words hold so much power and meaning which can cause people to have their feelings hurt, and you never know the kinds of effects that words may have on them.

2) Everyone has something going on

After all, these people are human too. They may be acting horrible because there is so much going on with them at home that they need to take it out on the nearest person, which just so happened to be you.

3) It is okay to talk to other people

Rather than taking your anger out on this person or other people, it is okay to seek expert advice. If they are genuinely out to get you, I urge you to speak to a parent or teacher to see what they say. After all, they have enough experience to share some brilliant advice with you.

That is all I have to remember when it comes to situations like these. If you have any extra advice or have specific situations that you want to share, I urge you to leave a comment and we can do our best to help. It may be useful due to the anonymity of this blog.

Remember, we are here to help.

- LF, LR and MG

xxx

America: The Land Of The Free?

I ask myself a question. A question that millions of black people have to ask themselves everyday, when they are faced with their racist oppressors. The same people that have families, just as they do. The same people that love and are loved, just as they are.

"Do black lives matter?" 

Because as far as America, is concerned, freedom is only about white people. Freedom is for those who have civil rights, and belong to their country. Oh wait. That's right... those who have civil rights aren't confined to a skin colour, because we are in the twenty first century.

And if America really is the 'land of the free' then why, in the last two years have over 200 black lives been taken brutally and unfairly by the American police force, for no reason other than the colour of their skin? 

And why is it, that when a white person is killed in an unjust way, nation wide we cry out, and we blame the system. We get angry, and we fight for justice. 

But when a black person is murdered by those who are supposed to keep the peace, not pervert it, we apathetically sigh, spend a moment contemplating what is going on, but then drop it and carry on with our lives?

BLACK LIVES MATTER. 

It astounds and horrifies me that we live in a world where these murders are allowed to go on. And then when the people of Baltimore stand up and say no more, what happens? They get criticised for standing up and speaking out. 

I don't know about you, but I'm furious. I'm furious that we allow this to continue, in 'the land of the free'. That we allow this type of disgusting, gut wrenching tragedy to continue. I am once again, shocked and appalled by the apathetic nature of our world. 

I wonder to myself what it will take, for the rest to stand up and take notice. Take notice of the god-awful events that are happening. 

I make a plea to everyone reading this: Please, please don't be apathetic. Please, I am begging you, stand up and speak now. Even if you know black lives matter, but it doesn't have a direct effect on you. 

Stand up and speak now, because we have to end this war of racism. 

Stand up and speak now, join me in advocating that black lives do matter.  

-LF, LR, MG

How Not To Be Squashed By Exam Stress

Everyone knows what we mean when we say the summer term. Long gone are the happy memories of extended break time in the sun, t-shirts and shorts or summer dresses. The mixture of suncream and ice cream wafting in through the open classroom windows.

All that disappeared as most of us hit year ten, with it intensifying for year 11-13. Now when someone mentions the summer term, you see a bunch of 15-18 year olds cringing, significantly tensing up, tears welling in their stressed out eyes.

We all know that with May and June approaching, summer term turns into exam season. Counting down the days until our first exam and then to the last, before we are free! However, on some level or another, exams are known to cause a lot of distress and in the worst cases can trigger intense anxiety, depression and cause us to malfunction because we are unable to survive copious amounts of pressure that piles up as exams loom closer.

So how to survive?! Revision is a must, and the long days can sometimes be too much for people to take. Here are some tips that should get you through the summer months:

1) Each day set yourself reasonable targets of what you want to achieve. Try to set a small list of things that you know you will be able to accomplish if you stick to schedule. Some people find a timetable the most effective way to do this, but personally, a list works just find, ticking the things you have done as you go. This way at the end of each day, you will feel that you have achieved what you needed to do, and end off by feeling good about yourself and your progress instead of overwhelmed and like you are unable to meet your targets. This way you will maintain a hard working and positive attitude that will see you through the exam period.

2) Sleep. (I don't mean between 3am to 12pm.) I mean sleep long, workable hours. Aim for about eight hours a night, with an early start so that you can be productive from the beginning of the day and finish revision as early as possible. The less time spent working in the evening the better, in order to get a good break and prepare yourself for the next day. Sleep is a time for your body and your brain to get optimum rest, so don't miss out on it, because it will affect your revision outcomes.

3) Maintaining a healthy diet and drinking water. This is something that is often preached about, but seriously can actually have a big effect. It is proven that a healthy body can equal a healthy mind, and therefore, eating three good meals a day, with a snack in between can alter your progress and help you in feeling better and more productive during the day.

4) Take breaks! It is unhealthy to be stuck inside all day! I suggest working in a room with windows, natural daylight is important, and opening your window will make the room brighter and help you to focus with fresh air. After you tick off one thing on your list, take a 15-20 minute break, helping you re-cooperate and will also keep you focused when you are working. Once a day, take a longer break, say 45 minutes and go for a walk, get fresh air and some exercise, both things that have significantly improved my progress in revision.

Those are just some techniques that help me to calm down and stay focused. Exam stress for the most part is inevitable, but as long as you practise calming techniques, as listed above, you will hopefully give yourself enough breathing space to remember that you are going to do it.

I would say that the best way not to be squashed by exam stress is to remember one very important thing:

Yes, exams are important and no one is denying that. However, exams are not the only important thing. They do not define who you are as a person and what you are going to be like for the rest of your life. They do help shape your future, but there are so many other factors that shape your future, not just exams. Sometimes you just need to go for a walk or have a chat with a friend to remind yourself that life will go on, and the most important thing is that you retain your mental and physical health, not that you pass your exams but have become a wreck as well.

At the end of the day, we should not be letting a bunch of letters on a sheet of paper define who we are or what we are worth as people, and when you find yourself being swallowed up by the idea that your exams are the be all and end all, take a step out, read this post, and remind yourself that you are worth so much more that some grades on a piece of paper, and you should never forget that.

-LF, LR and MG

The Taylor Swift Phenomenon

When recently having a discussion with friends over today's positive female role models in the media, we struggled to come up with- well any. But as we stewed over this idea, becoming increasingly perplexed by the absence of positive female role models, one name seemed to pop into all of our minds, as we unanimously agreed that Taylor Swift ticks all of our criteria boxes.

We compiled a lengthy list of all the reasons for Taylor Swift being the perfect role model, it struck as as absurd how negatively she is portrayed in the media, considering all the beautiful things she has contributed to the music industry as well as for humanity in general. Swift continues to amaze the world musically as she produced her fifth album in October 2014, which sold 1.287 million copies in the first week, the fastest selling album ever!

But that aside, focusing on what she does for humanity, we were overwhelmed to discover that no only is Swift a strong headed, independent feminist, who constantly speaks out about the importance of fighting for equality for men and women, as well as the strength behind maintaining a support system of good, steady friends, but what Swift does best of all, is use her time, energy, fame and money to constantly look out for, support and care for her adoring fans.

Taylor Swift is a kind, caring twenty five year old, who takes time out her extremely busy life to send care packages to fans all over the world with hand written notes expressing a personal message to them. She sends money to fans who need, visits ill children in hospitals, taking time to speak and sing to them. She donates her money to charities such as NYC public schools and opened to Taylor Swift Education Centre. Swift invited 5x89 fans to secret hearings at her house of her latest release before it came out. As well as this, she personally sees that she keeps up with so many of her fans, constantly expressing her gratitude and support of them, going out of her way to do things like attend their bridal showers and send them concert tickets. All because she is genuine, caring individual who truly emulates the perfect role model, by promoting self worth, positive body images for both male and females as well as constantly leaving her fans in awe by showing her compassion and understanding for those who are being bullied, or suffering from illnesses both physical or mental.

But yet, what struck us as unjust, is that none of what we have described above, is ever spoken about in the media. Instead, the media chooses to focus on Swift's dating life, which by the way, is completely regular of a normal twenty five year old girl, and frankly even if dating six people was considered atrocious (which it obviously isn't) it really is no ones business as Swift should be allowed to maintain some privacy.

Why is it, that all we are told about Taylor Alison Swift is that she is a 'serial dater' and produces music that explicitly outlines her dating experiences but nothing more. Why are the same things not said about Rhianna or pretty much any other artist out there, male or female? Why is it, that for so long now, the media chooses to speculate about Swift, creating rumours that make no sense, zoning on in 'flaws' that they have created, such as being a talented musician and having a boyfriend, when these are things that every other person is more than welcome to? What is this 'Taylor Swift Phenomenon' that gives people incentive to ignore the obviously beautiful person that she is, and replace it with negative and unnecessary hate, that just seems to us, to be completely out of order and pathetic.

Surely, in a world where we are struggling to find good, innocent people- people that are in the public eye that provide us with a positive image of how we should be conducting ourselves, we would want to be pointing out that Taylor Swift is a role model. That the amount of benevolence that Swift exhibits is unbelievable and we should all only aspire to show the same levels of compassion that she does towards everyone.

So what we should take from this post, is that no matter how much the media tries to shove it down our throats, sometimes we need to open our eyes to the good people in this world. Taylor Swift is an amazing human being, and whilst her music is gold to our ears, whats more is that she manages to balance her talents with something even more important- with being a good person.

And whilst Swift would say that the 'haters are gonna hate, hate, hate' we think that it is definitely time for the haters to stop hating, because we have to speak out and speak now, in defence for a rarity in today's society- a positive role model in the public eye that is Taylor Alison Swift.

-LF, LR and MG

How to be a Whistle Blower

I would say that most people like to believe that they have morals and principles that they stick to, and would stand up for no matter what. However, when it actually comes down to it, how often do we actually speak out and speak now when we see something that we want to change, or that doesn't sit right with us?

We live in a world where people have become so concerned about what others think of them, that they forget about what is right and what is wrong because as long as we all fit in, then it won't cause us any discomfort. 

Truth be told, how many times have you witnessed something and wished you would have reported it, but didn't. Then later that day or week, you stew over what you heard or saw and want to kick yourself for not doing anything about it?! This happens to the most of us, so this is a post on how to be a whistle blower. 

What is a whistle blower?

A whistle blower is someone who informs on someone or something that is engaging in unlawful or immoral activity. 

It sounds like a tell-tale, the annoying sibling that always rats you out for taking the last biscuit... But actually, if we untangle ourselves from the mess of stigmatisms and stereo-types surrounded by the idea of a whistle blower, what you actually see is someone standing up for what they believe in. 

Sometimes you need to remember your humanity, your morals and your principles and disregard what others might think or say, because you never know who you could be helping by doing so.

Its hard, there is no denying that. Often the people involved, know that they are doing wrong but can't seem to admit it to themselves, so carry on regardless and criticise or try to bully you into shrinking back. But don't shrink back, you are doing the right thing by reporting or putting a stop to this behaviour or activity. 

You should not be ashamed, you should not back down, you are doing the right thing. You have to keep telling yourself that, and remind yourself that no matter how tough it gets to support your actions, that you are being a whistle blower, and it takes courage to do so. 

'It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are' admittedly, this probably wasn't written to demonstrate this point, but it is still relevant. It takes courage to actualise your morals and be a whistle blower. 

Keep being amazing, and speak out and speak now, because you never know the positive effects you are having by blowing the whistle. 

-LF, LR and MG

Finding Your Happiness

“The grass might not always be greener on the other side, but the sun definitely shines brighter when you’re happy.”

If I’m being honest, I don’t think I really understood the gravity of what this means until the last few weeks.

When you’re in a situation, it is so easy to just get bogged down in it. It is so easy to let yourself be consumed by the struggle, by the stress and the anger and the sadness of whatever you’re going through. Most of the time we don’t even realise we are doing it until we stop. Day after day, it’s all you can think about, its all you eat, sleep and breath.

The worst part about it, is that its not even like you realise. Its not even like you know that you’re doing it. And without realising you are becoming your problems. They’ve swallowed you whole, and now you can’t separate between what your situation is and who you are. It’s such a horrible feeling. Going around all the time with this massive weight bearing on your shoulders, not knowing what to do. Sinking into the sand, not by choice, but because essentially you just don’t know how to save yourself.

But here is something that I have learnt. You don’t need to fix your problems. Most of the time you can’t fix your problems, which is why they weigh down on you so much. All you have to do is smile.

That’s literally it. It sounds simple, but unlike most of everything else I say, it actually is simple. It is genuinely the most effective thing I have ever done in my life. One day, you just have to wake up.

Metaphorically, I mean. You have to wake up, and you have to tell yourself that from now on, you are going to be happy. From now on, you are going to stop wishing and waiting about the person you would someday like to become, and you are going to be that person.

No more waiting to be happy. No more waiting for a time where your problems and pain are no longer there. Because chances are, you’ll be waiting your whole life.

Start now. I promise you, you’ll have never felt so free. It is a beautiful feeling. It is a feeling that is like no other, when your smile meets you eyes, and you laugh and people tell you that you look happy. And you don’t just say thank you, and plaster on a fake smile. You laugh and agree with them, because you actually feel happy. You can feel that warmth that you have longed to feel since you can remember.

You mouth aches from laughing and your cheeks are stiff because wherever you can, you smile.

You smile because there is a part of you that has let go. There is a part of you that understands now that the only way to be happy, is to make your own happiness.

Because no one is going to make happiness for you, apart from yourself. And then, something weird happens. Suddenly, you see happiness in the blue sky, you see happiness in the rain and in the clouds. You see happiness in children, and in flowers. You see happiness in the way you skip along the road and laugh with your friends.

You hear happiness in music as you sing along to the beat.

And you know what? There are still times when you are sad. There are still times when you are stressed, sad and angry.

But somehow the fact that you are also happy, and can free yourself from your problems and the rest of your life, is the best gift anyone ever got you, and the best part of that, is that it’s a gift you gave yourself.

As humans, we have a very special power. We have a power that enables us to feel. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget to feel the sunshine on your face, or the flowers in your hair. Don’t wait so long that you can’t remember what it feels like to be happy, or what is feels like to truly laugh.

It isn’t going to rid you of all pain, it isn’t going to solve the things you have been trying to solve. But it is going to brighten up that darkness.

And most of the time, all we need is a little bit of light to show us the way.

-LF, LR and MG

How to Stay Strong

Hope is a funny thing. You keep telling yourself that it will get better, but deep down, in the pit of your stomach, where all your anxieties live, you can't help but remind yourself that although at some point it may get better, it still hasn't yet.

Here is the thing, even in your darkest moment, on your darkest days, you have to remember that you can do it. You have to remember that you are as strong as you need to be and that no matter what life throws at you, you are capable.

Because in the end, everyone has pain, its whether or not you chose to suffer with it: that is key.

You have to take a deep breath, and remember that whatever is going on now, isn't permanent, and that there is going to be a time where this time in your life when you spent days and weeks not being able to look past it, fades into the past.

There is going to be a time, where you are living your life the way that you want to, with everything behind you.

Hold on to that thought, and don't let go. No matter what happens, if you have that thought of 'its going to be okay' then it will be okay.

A lot of the time, we believe that things happen to us are going to break us, not build us. But you have to hold on to the fact that the darkest times come just before dawn, and that if you can just wait it out until the morning, and keep on fighting, then it is going to be worth it.

I promise you, that no matter how hard it gets, no matter how many times you break down and you tell yourself that you can't do it anymore, you can do it.

You are so much stronger than you think. Never ever forget that.

It is always ok to feel like you just can't do it anymore, it is always ok to feel that nothing is ever going to get fixed, as long as you remember that it will. As long as you remember that it is worth the fight, it is worth the tears. Because at some point, it will come right.

What will be, will be. But as long as you know you have done everything you could to help yourself, then whatever happens will happen for the good.

I can't tell you that whats going on in your life is as a result of anything, but I can tell you that it is going to build you into the most incredible person. And that when you smile, it isn't the smile of a broken person, it is the smile of a warrior.

The smile of a person, who has built their self on strength, on bravery and on kindness. On the basis that one day, one day they are going to get there. One day they are going to look back and smile, and say that they did it.

And if you never forget any of that, then you will stay strong. You will stay strong until the very end, and I believe in you.

Please remember to speak out and speak now, if you are having a hard time staying strong.

-LF, LR and MG

The Truth about Feminism

A teacher asks their class who would define themselves as a feminists. No hands went up. The teacher then asked who believed in equality, and every single student put their hand up. She then asked them what the difference was between the two questions. No response was given.

When speaking to friends, their general impression of a feminist is a girl who fights for women by not shaving their body hair and shoving their opinions down people's throats to get their points across. They feel that women have equality already, so they do not have any understanding as to why they are shouting about nothing.

They are wrong.
 A feminist is a person (yes, a person - male or female) who believes in gender equality.

There are many different types of feminists in the world, four of which are learned about in Sociology A-Level.

Radical feminist: This is the one that many people associate with feminism in general. They feel that we are living in a patriarchal society; men are oppressing, subordinating and exploiting women in order to assert their power. They see men as the enemy and believe in 'political lesbianism'.

Marxist feminist: Fewer people are aware of this one. They feel that men are not the ones oppressing women, but it is the Capitalist society of today. They wish that one day, there will be a classless society, which will achieve their goal of equality among everyone.

Liberal feminist: These feminists merely want equality. They can see that both men and women suffer from inequalities and want to fight for what is right, for example narrowing the pay gap.

Difference feminist: They see every single woman as unique and important, and that we cannot generalise anything because women everywhere have different experiences with men.

Now we can see that feminism isn't all constant debates and longer armpit hair.

As mentioned before, there is a significant pay gap between genders. The difference between the amount of money that men earn at work and the amount that women earn was at its lowest in 2010 compared to any other year at 34.5%.

Also, topically, there is a petition on 'nomorepage3.org' with over 217,000 signatures in order to try and abolish The Sun's page three (which, if you didn't know, is pretty much a page of women with their breasts on show). This is a very split argument: some feminists see this petition as 'slut shaming' and believe that there is no shame with people choosing to present themselves in the media this way. However, others see it as exploitation and conveying a message of how women are defined by their bodies.

From my point of view, whilst feminism is a rising movement, people are rebelling and become 'anti-feminists' because they do not truly understand the meaning of the word. There needs to be some way of spreading the truth of what it means to be a feminist, sharing facts about why feminism is becoming bigger and why equality has not been obtained yet.

The way to do this is by speaking out, and speaking now. If one person expresses this to three people, then these three people do the exact same, the message will be far more known. Words spread faster than anything. Go and stand up for what you believe in.

-LF, LR and MG

Understanding PTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event - either experiencing it, or witnessing it. It can be characterised by symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

Although at the start of research into PTSD, it was found only in soldiers returning from war, there is a common misconception that this illness only effects soldiers, and this is not true.

Many people living with PTSD, often don't realise it for many months and sometimes years. It is a mentally debilitating illness, that often results in a deterioration of other aspects of your health, such as insomnia, crippling anxiety and strain on your internal organs.

Often, one develops PTSD after a traumatic experience, this can be anything from returning from war, witnessing or being in an accident, experiencing abuse (physical, verbal, sexual, domestic or emotional), witnessing continual abuse, rape, illness, being physically hurt. These events can occur in childhood anywhere up until and during the age you are now.

A lot of people chose to ignore initial PTSD symptoms, by putting them down to nightmares or a bit of anxiety about things that they do not believe to be connected.

1 in 10 women and 1 in 20 men develop PTSD at some point in their life.
This is a huge number and as is the case with a lot of mental illnesses, the less we talk about them, the less we know and then the less we can help.

If you yourself has dealt with something particularly traumatic, or have a family member or close friend who has, please pay extra attention to how they are coping with their situation. It is very easy to pass of someones 'jumpiness' or 'shakiness' with just being a jumpy person. But this is a symptom for PTSD. Someone who is particularly paranoid about something, or appears to be fixated and unable to move past a certain event, needs help. Whether they realise it or not, they are suffering with something that can be helped.

PTSD can be treated, without medication, through various forms of therapy including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which will give the sufferer techniques to help them through this difficult time.

Reliving a traumatic event is emotionally and physically exhausting for the person, and can leave them on edge, tearful and what appears to be extremely distressed by an event. It is important to note that these episodes can be brought on by something that reminds the person of a behaviour that have experienced in the past.

If you are suffering from this illness, please speak now and speak out. It is hard, it is terrifying, but the first step to recovery, is speaking about it. You never know how much you could be helping yourself until you do. You are probably scared, frightened and confused. But please know, that we are here for you.

We are here for you every step of the way, so feel free to share your journey and get on that path to recovery!

-LF, LR and MG

50 Shades of NO

You see, whilst millions of people trivialise the book '50 Shades of Grey' it has come to our attention a couple of days away from the premiere of the movie, that actually, this disgrace of a book and concept, needs to be taken down a peg or two.

What's wrong with 50 Shades of Grey, you ask?

Well here, we will tell you. 50 Shades of Grey, advocates the objectification of women as well as the notion that it is acceptable to coerce a women into what is effectively an abusive relationship, so long as it is written in a way that hides the pain. It is a glorification of the porn industry, but also a multimillion corporation that supports the exploitation of women. 

Not only does 50 Shades of Grey perpetuate the rape culture stereotypes, but it also does not specify under what conditions is it okay to have this kind of relationship with another human being. Of course the answer is never, but by not explicitly stating what they do and do not support, it potentially opens the flood gates for millions of people to support rape culture. Millions of people could be getting hurt here, and for what? For the perverse enjoyment of others who don't understand how harmful this is to both men and women.

"No," I protest, trying to kick him off. 

This is an actual line in the book, right before he rapes her. There is nothing consensual about this relationship, and the more people skate over what is really happening, the more powerful this concept is allowed to become.

And that is why we say 50 Shades of NO. 

Not because we are kill joys. Not because we can't see the trivial aspects of the story. But because we can see the extremely harmful effects that this already has, and is going to have on millions of people. 

Rape in any situation is unacceptable. Promoting and accepting an abusive relationship is unacceptable. It is time we wake up and understand the damaging effects that this story has on so many. It is not okay that we allow the media to breeze over the damaging effects of this and focus on the insignificant details such as the 'romance' or 'excitement'. It is not ok that we ourselves allow ourselves to breeze over these facts either. 

These types of degrading, dehumanising and horrific portrayal of 'desirable' features in a relationship are wrong. 50 Shades of Grey goes beyond the concept in society that is 'sexualisation' by taking it to a new level of sheer abuse.

So, to sum up. What we would like you to take away from this blog, is to speak now and speak out for 50 Shades of NO. 

-LF, LR and MG

Change

One word, 5 letters, such a strong impact.

Change can be seen in minor cases, such as an alteration in your morning routine or a new hairstyle. This form is mild, in general has a very small effect on a person and can easily be forgotten about.

However, this is not always the case. Some changes, for example moving schools, houses or even countries, can throw the balance of normality and usually does not feel right. It plays on your mind that something is not normal or even safe, and it can truly throw your emotions all over the place. You almost begin to doubt the people who are closest to you, nearly losing trust in the ones you love. You find that you feel alone, as if there is nobody that you could speak to because they could not possibly have experienced what you feel and anything that anyone says will throw you and make you feel worse.

Of course this does not happen in every situation; most large changes can be extremely beneficial and genuinely will help you in the long run. But the patience and time required for this effect to happen require so much energy, and it is tricky to handle at points.

I would like to give a few small pieces of advice, which I have followed recently and have got me through this tough period on uncountable occasions.

1) Give it time

Time is one of the greatest healers. Though it seems long, as if you are travelling down a long road of unsettlement, there will come a turn at the end which clearly shows positive effects. This turn-around will not happen overnight, it will take time. Once that time is up, there will be no looking back.

2) Patience is key

Do not, under any circumstances, give up. Coupling with point number 1, settling does not come instantly. If you feel a loss of motivation or like it is the end of the world, this feeling will certainly not last forever and if you bare with the situation for a few weeks, it will improve.

3) Acceptance

It is more than okay to feel upset. Joint with discomfort will generally come a feeling of being pathetic or guilt for your negative emotions. Ignore them. Being sad is normal, as long as you acknowledge the fact that this will not last forever.

4) Change your thoughts

It is no use trying to apply yourself to a situation if all of your thoughts are clouded by negativity and you are not willing to make an effort. Force yourself to step out of your comfort zone a small amount each day, whether it be talking to somebody or holding a smile for five minutes. This alteration in attitudes will cause steps 1 and 2 to come along much easier and there will be a noticeable difference in yourself.

So to summarise, whilst change is inevitable, there are ways of avoiding making it more difficult than it should be. Whilst I have only named 4 steps, there are many more: why not try to come up with some yourselves?

Best of luck.

-LF, LR and MG

Why We Are Pro-Feminism

There are many misconceptions about what Feminism is, and what it means to be a feminist. One of these is that feminists are man hating, which they are not.

Not only do they work for equal rights for both genders, but they are against things that affect men too, such as being against gender roles for men as well as for women.The concept of feminism is not women should have more power and rights then men, its is that both women and men should be treated equally in all circumstances. 

In case you do not believe us, here are some statistics that prove why feminism is still necessary:

- In virtually every job category, women on average earn less money than men. 

- On average, 'two women get killed in the UK by an ex or violent partner every week'

- Almost 1 in 3 girls have experienced unwanted sexual touching at school

- Only 77% of men believe that having non-consensual sex is considered rape

- 70% of people in minimum wage jobs are women.

- Only 1 in 4 women are MPs

Something shocking that we have noticed is that, people have lost an understanding as to why we are in high demand of feminism, and more than that, of what feminism means. Women should be treated in all circumstances as equal to men. 

No one is suggesting that women should be above men, but instead we start treating women, who contribute to half our planets population with the same respect as we do to men. It shames us that in the twenty first century we are having to justify why it is important to stand up for women and their rights. 

But what's worse, is that there is still an obvious need to end misogyny and rectify the objectification of women. Rape, wage gaps and domesticating women is nothing to romanticise. 

As women we should be proud of who we are and what we can achieve, let no one stand in the way of what you are going to do, because you are a women. Also as a man, it is not shameful to stand up for women and bring an end to the misogynistic and degrading images that many still today use to objectify and abuse women. 

Remember to speak out and speak now against people who do not stand up for equal rights for everyone. 

-LF, LR and MG

Is Racism Really an Issue of the Past?

Mike Brown.

Hopefully, by now most people will know this name. Mike Brown was a black civilian shot by Darren Wilson, a police officer eight times.

What makes the injustice of Mike Brown's case even more tragic, is that there is undeniable proof that Mike Brown was an unarmed, nineteen year old boy, that wasn't posing any threat that deserved that out of proportion treatment to society. But here is the thing that gets us the most: Darren Wilson walked away from this a free man. Mike Brown however, will never walk again.

We say that there is undeniable proof against Darren Wilson, and yet-

We deny.

We deny Mike Brown's right to live, simply because he was black.

It is a despicable crime that is not an issue of the past, but very much an issue of the present. How can we, as people of the twenty-first century, who have been brought up learning history, and have known or seen people who are a part of that history, let history repeat itself?

It is very easy to let Mike Brown be another name with the millions of other people who have fallen simply because of their skin colour. We propose that we don't let him be forgotten. We are shocked and appalled at the devastatingly high amounts of apathy shown in our world.

In fact, it is way too easy to just let this go. We ignore the suffering that doesn't directly impact us because we are too preoccupied with the mundane things that happen in out lives that we consider to be more important than remembering.

'Lest We Forget' is a phrase that we use to remember those lost in WW1 and WW2. But it is applicable here as well. Lest We Forget those who have fought a different kind of war. The war against racism, that has taken and continues to take the lives of so many.

We must remember Mike Brown, not just for what he stands for, but also who he was as an individual. A young boy, who had his whole life ahead of him. Being apathetic towards the situation is not enough. We need to be proactive in putting a stop once and for all to all these tragedies.

The message we would like you to carry with you from this post, is to speak out and speak up about racism. Report these issues as they come up, because even though you may not partake in a racist act, you must raise the concern, in order for it to be heard by anyone.

Here is a link to a website that will enable you to educate yourself about some of the issues surrounding racism: http://www.standuptoracism.org.uk/

-LF, LR and MG

A poem about Anxiety

There is a monster,
Living in my head.
His name is anxiety.

There are times, 
When anxiety is all I can hear.
All I can think about.
He sits in my brain, and controls me.

Pulling my strings,
Manipulating me like a puppet,
Forcing me to listen. To give in.

He knows my weaknesses,
How to make me ill.
Twisting my thoughts,
Until he has got what he wants.

Some days his voice is quiet,
Barely there.
He is easy to ignore.

But other days, he is the only thing I can hear.
He blocks everything else out,
And hurts me.
He does it on purpose. 

Anxiety gets jealous,
When i don't listen to him.
He doesn't like it when I am strong,
Only when I am weak. 

The battle is on going,
And is not likely to stop.
For every day I win, 
He is weakened.

But everyday he wins,
I loose everything.

-LR

Fighting Anxiety

The thing about anxiety is that, at first, it slowly and stealthily creeps into the back of your mind, but then, before you know it, it has taken over and controls the way you think, talk, act and function.

Just like with other mental illnesses, we are unable to predict General Anxiety Disorder and how it will affect us. Some people stride through life, barely anxious about anything and carry on as though they are as light as a feather. However, for others, it is not that simple. Anxiety has a way of dragging you down, making you over-analyse and scrutinise every single action you make or word that you say, to the point where you can't function properly.

Staggering statistics show, that 1 in 5 people suffer with feeling anxious for some or most of the time. This is important to realise because although anxiety is "the most prevalent mental health disease" in the UK, it is the most "under reported, under-diagnosed and under-treated" Which also highlights other problems such as lack of awareness, which ultimately and unsurprisingly, is caused by lack of education.

Some common signs and symptoms of anxiety are: Feelings of fear, panic and uneasiness; problems sleeping; cold sweaty hands or feet, shortness of breath; heart palpitations; inability to be still and calm; dry mouth, nausea; muscle tension; dizziness or panic attacks. These are not all the symptoms, but are very commons ones, which can help you identify whether you are suffering with this illness.

Now, we would like to give you some coping techniques that we hope will provide you with ways in which you can help yourself, and will also give you the courage and strength to seek more professional help, if the symptoms do not subside.

1) Take deep, calming breaths. We know it sounds very simple, but it actually works wonders. Breathing in through your nose, and out through your mouth a few times, can help clear your mind from the initial panic, will help you see things more clearly, and will also enable you to relieve some of the building tension you may feel particularly in your chest, shoulders and neck.

2) Try to rationalise.  The thing about anxiety, is that it has a way of taking even the most insignificant sounding scenarios and turning them into a full blown nightmare in your head. Try to put back the root of the fear, or if you can't find the root, the thing you are most worried about, into context. Place it back where it came from, and try to find logical and conclusive evidence that either supports your worry, or shrinks it back down to normal size. This can be quite hard to do, so try talking it out with someone you trust, or writing it down.

3) Find a nice, quiet spot to sit. Just by clearing your head from all the noise and commotion around you, sitting down, and relaxing for a few moments, you may be able to calm down the thing that feels too much.

4) Talking things through. Often, the reason why we get in such a mess, is because we let the thing go round and round in our heads until it is wildly out of proportion and causing us great difficultly. Just by finding someone you trust, to talk to about it, can help you greatly and relieve the pain and weight from your shoulders.

5) With two fingers, tap the back of your other hand. Using this when you are anxious allows you to let out your feelings, by tapping very quickly. After a while of doing this, start to slow down and in turn, your breaths and eventually your heart rate will slow down with it. This method, can be very calming and comforting.

These are just four, basic things that we hope will reduce particularly the imminent anxiety that you may feel. Although, under rated, anxiety really does affect people sometimes critically, so please, if you yourself, or someone you know suffers with anxiety and is receiving no help for it, don't forget to speak out and speak now so that you can help yourself.

Sometimes these things feel like they are going to swallow us up whole, but once you get help, you will be able to clear your mind and begin to walk on the path that you want to go on, not the one that anxiety is steering you towards.

-LF, LR and MG