Why can't I dream big?

From a young age, I was the type of child to think about what I wanted to be when I grew up. At first it was a vet, like most children I suspect, as I had a love for animals and all creatures of the earth. But soon, I grew out of that dream, and moved on to another one. My mum did a psychology degree, so my next dream was to be a psychologist. And when I had exhausted that idea, I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. I settled on being a lawyer and for the next year or so, thought about all the things I would do once I had my degree. When people asked me what type of lawyer I wanted to be, and I didn't know, they told me to go into corporate law, because that is where the money is. So that summer, I did a week of work experience in a corporate law firm, and was extremely bored. At 16 I decided law wasn't for me, and began to search for something else to reach for.

Luckily for me, only a few months later, I began to fall in love with writing, and discovered that I'd rather do something that I love every day for the rest of my life, than something that was big and corporate but made a lot of money. Writing makes me feel fulfilled, it makes me feel happy and it also makes me feel like I'm making a difference. 

So when people asked me what I want to do when I'm older, I responded happily and confidently that I want to be a published author. This was when I began to notice that the response to my career aspirations were usually met with raised eyebrows, condescending concern and some sort of ill thought out advice. The most common response I get is something like "Well I hope you'll be the next J K Rowling because otherwise you won't be very successful." I love J K Rowling and I am very much part of the Harry Potter Fandom, so my point next should not be taken as a criticism of her unbelievable talent and hard work. 

But it is comments like this that make me believe that as a society our definition of success has changed so significantly. Rather than measure success in how much of an impact one makes in the world, we measure success in how much money a person makes. Now, I'm not naive enough to believe that money doesn't play a role in our lives, but I do genuinely believe that we should not let money be the indicator for how successful we are. 

When I tell people I want to be a published author, the follow up question is usually about what I want to publish. When I respond by saying that I want to write things that change the world, people have lost me all together. But why can't I dream big? Why can't I write something that changes the world, and publish things that change the way we think. Why can't I use my skill to do something good instead of just thinking about how much I am going to earn? Because when I talk about writing, I mean writing to educate. Writing to educate people around me about things that go on that aren't spoken about enough. Writing to bring awareness and writing to change the way we think so that we are more tolerant and accepting and happy with who we are. 

So the answer is that I can dream big. I can change the world with my writing, even if it's just my world. I don't have to be motivated by money, and nor do you, if you don't want to. It's going to be a darn sight harder to make it big in this world, but then again is that what really matters? 

Maybe I will be the next J K Rowling, but on the very large chance that I'm not, all I want to know is that I can still dream big and change the world with my writing, regardless of the number in my bank account. 

LF, LR and MG xx

Leaving the Past in the Past

When I lie awake at night, letting my thoughts stir round and round in my head, I know that the only way I can fall asleep is if I write whatever it is down. I sit up, open my laptop and stare at a blank word document, until my fingers tap on my keyboard and within minutes, words appear on the page that spell out exactly what is bothering me.

Every now and again I like to read over what I write in those moments, because I think in some ways what I write then is the most honest, and the purest way that I can gather my thoughts together. For me it is in the silence of the night that the rest of the world is quiet enough for my thoughts to be heard.

Recently when I read over things I had written in my midnight madness, I saw a repetitive theme of the past and so I thought that I would write about it on here, and share some of the advice that I gave myself at some point between one am and four am in the last few weeks.

"Accepting the past is about acknowledging that all the things you have done and all the things you have been through, for the good and bad, are very much a part of who you are. Acceptance is the first part of moving forward and I think that when you have grasped that, you leave yourself with the foundation to build on.

You can take all the things you have learnt and develop yourself into the person that you want to be. It is about recognising that whilst your past will always be a part of who you are, it is not the only thing that you are.

I think the best decision I ever made was to move forward. I think through moving forward I have been able to strengthen the person I am into someone that I know will be able to take the weight of the future.

Thinking about the future is scary, it makes you wonder if you will ever be able to escape, it makes you doubt yourself and your capabilities and whether you will ever be able to truly leave behind your past. but I think that the best way to escape your past is to run into it with open arms.

It is about embracing your mistake, the places where you tripped and fell so that the next time you will know what to do. If you embrace your past then you can use it all to build a future and with your future at the tip of your fingers, you will be able to accomplish anything.

You can't move forward without letting go, and whilst I know letting go is going to be so hard, once you are free to reach out and grab whatever opportunity you are faced with, the past won't seem so troubled anymore.

Instead you will look back and wonder how you made it through the hark times, with nothing to guide you. But you will also know that it was all those things that are very much a part of who you are now. You will know that the reason you carry round a flashlight at all times is so that when you get lost again, you will be able to find you way. You know that when you go swimming, you make sure you jump in with both feet, but wearing a life jacket, so that you can feel the water against your skin without tempting fate and struggling not to drown.

But the best thing about the past is that it gives you lessons for the future, and I think when your past is as clouded as mind, it is the lessons that we extract that will stick with us and shape us for life. It isn't about seeing everything for the bad, it is about taking the bad and turning it into the good."

So I think what midnight me is trying to tell you, is that you need to let go of the past in order to build a future. But letting go of the past doesn't mean forgetting where you came from, or how far you have fought to get here. Letting go means taking with you all the things you have learnt, but leaving behind all the negative associations and memories that you have as well.

I hope this was helpful insight,
LF, LR and MG
xxx

On Suicide

Truthfully, I do not know too much information on this subject, which is the exact point of this post.

On average, 1 person commits suicide every 16.2 minutes. 
Nearly 400,000 people attempt suicide in the U.S. every year. 
Alcoholism plays a role in 1 out 3 cases of suicide.

And yet I don't know much on this topic.

As such a common incident, suicide remains one of those topics that people to this day brush away in hope that the issue will shrink and eventually vanish. People still attach this stigma to the issue of suicide, which is not okay.

I read a book last month titled 'All the Bright Places' by Jennifer Niven. (I promise, there will be no huge spoilers here). The basic plot is that two teenagers, who attend the same high school, meet each other at the top of the school's bell tower, about to jump off. The novel proceeds to follow the two characters' stories and how they affected each other's lives.
This book struck a nerve in me. Not necessarily because of the story or the writing style - which are both fantastic - but the author's note  at the end. Niven explains that her Great Grandfather was a victim of suicide, as was somebody that she had become extremely close to. Though she wasn't close to her relative, the issue of suicide remained prominent in her life and also the lives of her family. She felt that she didn't know enough about the topic and wishes to this day that she could have done something to help.

I would like to direct you to the website http://www.suicide.org/. This is a phenomenal website which is filled with rich information on suicide, including facts, statistics and helplines. This website is thoroughly important and is the perfect website to go to if you are in need.

One message from Kevin Caruso that I would like to share here is what he wrote about how to talk to a suicidal person. He explains that there are five steps:

1) Listen attentively 
2) Offer words of encouragement and support
3) Let the person know that you are deeply concerned
4) If the person is at high risk, do not leave them alone
5) Talk openly about suicide

I urge you to take a look at this website, and also to speak up about suicide. It could help a huge amount of people.

Thank you for reading,

- LF, LR and MG

50 Shades of NO

You see, whilst millions of people trivialise the book '50 Shades of Grey' it has come to our attention a couple of days away from the premiere of the movie, that actually, this disgrace of a book and concept, needs to be taken down a peg or two.

What's wrong with 50 Shades of Grey, you ask?

Well here, we will tell you. 50 Shades of Grey, advocates the objectification of women as well as the notion that it is acceptable to coerce a women into what is effectively an abusive relationship, so long as it is written in a way that hides the pain. It is a glorification of the porn industry, but also a multimillion corporation that supports the exploitation of women. 

Not only does 50 Shades of Grey perpetuate the rape culture stereotypes, but it also does not specify under what conditions is it okay to have this kind of relationship with another human being. Of course the answer is never, but by not explicitly stating what they do and do not support, it potentially opens the flood gates for millions of people to support rape culture. Millions of people could be getting hurt here, and for what? For the perverse enjoyment of others who don't understand how harmful this is to both men and women.

"No," I protest, trying to kick him off. 

This is an actual line in the book, right before he rapes her. There is nothing consensual about this relationship, and the more people skate over what is really happening, the more powerful this concept is allowed to become.

And that is why we say 50 Shades of NO. 

Not because we are kill joys. Not because we can't see the trivial aspects of the story. But because we can see the extremely harmful effects that this already has, and is going to have on millions of people. 

Rape in any situation is unacceptable. Promoting and accepting an abusive relationship is unacceptable. It is time we wake up and understand the damaging effects that this story has on so many. It is not okay that we allow the media to breeze over the damaging effects of this and focus on the insignificant details such as the 'romance' or 'excitement'. It is not ok that we ourselves allow ourselves to breeze over these facts either. 

These types of degrading, dehumanising and horrific portrayal of 'desirable' features in a relationship are wrong. 50 Shades of Grey goes beyond the concept in society that is 'sexualisation' by taking it to a new level of sheer abuse.

So, to sum up. What we would like you to take away from this blog, is to speak now and speak out for 50 Shades of NO. 

-LF, LR and MG

Change

One word, 5 letters, such a strong impact.

Change can be seen in minor cases, such as an alteration in your morning routine or a new hairstyle. This form is mild, in general has a very small effect on a person and can easily be forgotten about.

However, this is not always the case. Some changes, for example moving schools, houses or even countries, can throw the balance of normality and usually does not feel right. It plays on your mind that something is not normal or even safe, and it can truly throw your emotions all over the place. You almost begin to doubt the people who are closest to you, nearly losing trust in the ones you love. You find that you feel alone, as if there is nobody that you could speak to because they could not possibly have experienced what you feel and anything that anyone says will throw you and make you feel worse.

Of course this does not happen in every situation; most large changes can be extremely beneficial and genuinely will help you in the long run. But the patience and time required for this effect to happen require so much energy, and it is tricky to handle at points.

I would like to give a few small pieces of advice, which I have followed recently and have got me through this tough period on uncountable occasions.

1) Give it time

Time is one of the greatest healers. Though it seems long, as if you are travelling down a long road of unsettlement, there will come a turn at the end which clearly shows positive effects. This turn-around will not happen overnight, it will take time. Once that time is up, there will be no looking back.

2) Patience is key

Do not, under any circumstances, give up. Coupling with point number 1, settling does not come instantly. If you feel a loss of motivation or like it is the end of the world, this feeling will certainly not last forever and if you bare with the situation for a few weeks, it will improve.

3) Acceptance

It is more than okay to feel upset. Joint with discomfort will generally come a feeling of being pathetic or guilt for your negative emotions. Ignore them. Being sad is normal, as long as you acknowledge the fact that this will not last forever.

4) Change your thoughts

It is no use trying to apply yourself to a situation if all of your thoughts are clouded by negativity and you are not willing to make an effort. Force yourself to step out of your comfort zone a small amount each day, whether it be talking to somebody or holding a smile for five minutes. This alteration in attitudes will cause steps 1 and 2 to come along much easier and there will be a noticeable difference in yourself.

So to summarise, whilst change is inevitable, there are ways of avoiding making it more difficult than it should be. Whilst I have only named 4 steps, there are many more: why not try to come up with some yourselves?

Best of luck.

-LF, LR and MG

Why We Are Pro-Feminism

There are many misconceptions about what Feminism is, and what it means to be a feminist. One of these is that feminists are man hating, which they are not.

Not only do they work for equal rights for both genders, but they are against things that affect men too, such as being against gender roles for men as well as for women.The concept of feminism is not women should have more power and rights then men, its is that both women and men should be treated equally in all circumstances. 

In case you do not believe us, here are some statistics that prove why feminism is still necessary:

- In virtually every job category, women on average earn less money than men. 

- On average, 'two women get killed in the UK by an ex or violent partner every week'

- Almost 1 in 3 girls have experienced unwanted sexual touching at school

- Only 77% of men believe that having non-consensual sex is considered rape

- 70% of people in minimum wage jobs are women.

- Only 1 in 4 women are MPs

Something shocking that we have noticed is that, people have lost an understanding as to why we are in high demand of feminism, and more than that, of what feminism means. Women should be treated in all circumstances as equal to men. 

No one is suggesting that women should be above men, but instead we start treating women, who contribute to half our planets population with the same respect as we do to men. It shames us that in the twenty first century we are having to justify why it is important to stand up for women and their rights. 

But what's worse, is that there is still an obvious need to end misogyny and rectify the objectification of women. Rape, wage gaps and domesticating women is nothing to romanticise. 

As women we should be proud of who we are and what we can achieve, let no one stand in the way of what you are going to do, because you are a women. Also as a man, it is not shameful to stand up for women and bring an end to the misogynistic and degrading images that many still today use to objectify and abuse women. 

Remember to speak out and speak now against people who do not stand up for equal rights for everyone. 

-LF, LR and MG

A poem about Anxiety

There is a monster,
Living in my head.
His name is anxiety.

There are times, 
When anxiety is all I can hear.
All I can think about.
He sits in my brain, and controls me.

Pulling my strings,
Manipulating me like a puppet,
Forcing me to listen. To give in.

He knows my weaknesses,
How to make me ill.
Twisting my thoughts,
Until he has got what he wants.

Some days his voice is quiet,
Barely there.
He is easy to ignore.

But other days, he is the only thing I can hear.
He blocks everything else out,
And hurts me.
He does it on purpose. 

Anxiety gets jealous,
When i don't listen to him.
He doesn't like it when I am strong,
Only when I am weak. 

The battle is on going,
And is not likely to stop.
For every day I win, 
He is weakened.

But everyday he wins,
I loose everything.

-LR