Who is Moral?

I asked google to define what a moral person is. Google said that a moral person is someone who 'conforms to a standard of which is right and good. This implies conformity to established sanctioned codes or accepted notions of right or wrong.'

The psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg uses four stages to explain the development of morality. These stages work on the understanding that as a person goes through cognitive development, their morality develops to. If abiding by this theory, we should believe that people start off with a very limited perspective on morality; using our role models to determine from a young age, right from wrong. As we develop, we should therefore seek to determine our own code of morality, partially based on societal values, and eventually depart from societies conventions or 'accepted notions' as google called it, and make moral decisions based on our own understanding and perception of right and wrong.

When understanding Kohlberg's theory, I struggled to believe that this quantification of an abstract concept could truly be used as a tool for which we define the development of said moral compass. Yet, when grappling with this idea, I saw my issue was not the abstract concept, but rather the way the definition of a 'moral' person tends to over simplify the human condition.

According to Kohlberg, a person that chooses to return an item that they have purchased amongst other items but not paid for, is morally upstanding. This person, theoretically, has achieved stage 5 in moral development. But does this make them a 'moral person'?

I sincerely doubt it. To me, Kohlberg's theory seems to suggest that one morally upstanding act means that you are a morally upstanding person. But what about the person who returns the item to the store, yet is cheating on his wife? Or the person who hides behind his charitable public persona, but beats his children and abuses his wife? Kohlberg's theory didn't seem to have any answers to the real moral dilemmas that people are faced with. To me, the essence of a truly moral person is someone who acts in private exactly how they would in public - if they give charity publicly, they would do this privately as well. A person does not abuse his children in private but behave beautifully in public yet remain a morally upstanding part of society. The implication that one good act makes you a good person is narrow minded, and ignores the complexity of human nature in so many ways.

The age restrictions that Kohlberg seemed to impose on moral development was the second thing that frustrates me immensely. Kohlberg seemed to suggest that morality develops with age. This would imply that children and young adults are incapable of making complex moral decisions. And that would be wrong.

When faced with a decision that would change everything, what would you do? Being someone in this predicament, having to make a decision that would change everything was the hardest thing I had to do. Before making my choice, I consulted a few adults, who were about as much help as one of those 'motivational posters' that aim to cheer someone up but in reality do nothing. Adults were sympathetic with the difficulty of my choice, but could offer nothing themselves, mostly admitting they had no idea what the right thing to do would be. So all alone, at seventeen, I had to come to a decision myself about the right, or 'moral' thing to do.

Admittedly, I might be haunted by this decision a year later, but ultimately, when weighing up two extremely difficult realities, I chose the one that was most moral, according to my own definition. So, no whilst my moral development according to Kohlberg should have prevented me from making a moral decision, I was able to anyway.

So in an attempt to answer my own question, who is moral?
I had to ask myself what is moral? A question that I don't think Google, or Kohlberg have answered particularly well. One good deed does not make you a good person, just as one bad deed doesn't make you a bad person. Being moral is about acting out of principle with good intentions, in order to do something that you understand to be correct, no matter the circumstance.

The truth, when I really thought about it, is that moral is not a mutually exclusive character trait. Morality is a sliding scale that we use to measure the intentions of our behaviour. It is a empty word, with shallow meanings, that society uses in order to fit actions into boxes.

So if I really ask myself who is moral? The only real answer I could come up with that didn't make me uncomfortable, is to say that moral is the person that acts with good intentions and deeds both publicly and privately. Moral is the person that gives charity publicly, and treats their family with respect and the way they deserve to be treated. Moral is the person without double standards or contradicting ideas. But moral isn't really a person at all, its a persona that we choose to take upon ourselves, a continually evolving entity that isn't bound by age, rather by experience.

-LF, LR and MG xx

Five Letters, Make It or Break It.

Trust. Somewhat of an abstract concept, as it seems to be a prerequisite to so many things. Any relationship without trust would seem to mock the foundation of which most relationships are built on. But what happens if you don't know who to trust? Or if you're not in a place in your life where trust comes easy to you.

Whilst being over-trusting comes hand in hand with naivety, people who don't trust at all are viewed as jaded and guarded. So really, is there a way for us all to win?

I personally find myself constantly battling between the two; I confide way too easily when I feel comfortable with some people, but with other people, I remain constantly wary and distant.

In some cases, trust can be so easy to build, but destroyed even quicker and in other cases the opposite applies.

I think it is important to be able to trust, we should be able to open our eyes and our minds to people and see the good where possible. Having trust is about having faith in other people that they are who they say they are. Having trust is about believing in the good and trying to remain at peace with the world.

Sometimes it doesn't work out, people can screw you over and leave you wounded. I don't deny that possibility because it has certainly happened to me and no doubt to all of you as well. The feeling of betrayal sucks, I am the first to admit it, but I think that building trust over time can solve that.

It is true that on the occasion you should jump into a relationship with two feet, but sometimes you just need to dip your toe in the water first, before jumping in full swing.

I think learning that trust can be a double edged sword can be both the smartest thing you realise and the worst thing to know at all. 

Trust is confusing, it can make or break you. I think by writing this post I hoped to come to some conclusion as to how to deal with trust, but the truth is, I think every relationship is different. I think that some people are trust worthy and others aren't, so we shouldn't tar someone with the same brush. 

I guess I wanted to end this with some sort of clarity, but instead I am going to end my post with and open ended thought. 

Five Letters, Make it or Break it; You Choose. 

-LF, LR and MG xx

On Suicide

Truthfully, I do not know too much information on this subject, which is the exact point of this post.

On average, 1 person commits suicide every 16.2 minutes. 
Nearly 400,000 people attempt suicide in the U.S. every year. 
Alcoholism plays a role in 1 out 3 cases of suicide.

And yet I don't know much on this topic.

As such a common incident, suicide remains one of those topics that people to this day brush away in hope that the issue will shrink and eventually vanish. People still attach this stigma to the issue of suicide, which is not okay.

I read a book last month titled 'All the Bright Places' by Jennifer Niven. (I promise, there will be no huge spoilers here). The basic plot is that two teenagers, who attend the same high school, meet each other at the top of the school's bell tower, about to jump off. The novel proceeds to follow the two characters' stories and how they affected each other's lives.
This book struck a nerve in me. Not necessarily because of the story or the writing style - which are both fantastic - but the author's note  at the end. Niven explains that her Great Grandfather was a victim of suicide, as was somebody that she had become extremely close to. Though she wasn't close to her relative, the issue of suicide remained prominent in her life and also the lives of her family. She felt that she didn't know enough about the topic and wishes to this day that she could have done something to help.

I would like to direct you to the website http://www.suicide.org/. This is a phenomenal website which is filled with rich information on suicide, including facts, statistics and helplines. This website is thoroughly important and is the perfect website to go to if you are in need.

One message from Kevin Caruso that I would like to share here is what he wrote about how to talk to a suicidal person. He explains that there are five steps:

1) Listen attentively 
2) Offer words of encouragement and support
3) Let the person know that you are deeply concerned
4) If the person is at high risk, do not leave them alone
5) Talk openly about suicide

I urge you to take a look at this website, and also to speak up about suicide. It could help a huge amount of people.

Thank you for reading,

- LF, LR and MG

How to be a Whistle Blower

I would say that most people like to believe that they have morals and principles that they stick to, and would stand up for no matter what. However, when it actually comes down to it, how often do we actually speak out and speak now when we see something that we want to change, or that doesn't sit right with us?

We live in a world where people have become so concerned about what others think of them, that they forget about what is right and what is wrong because as long as we all fit in, then it won't cause us any discomfort. 

Truth be told, how many times have you witnessed something and wished you would have reported it, but didn't. Then later that day or week, you stew over what you heard or saw and want to kick yourself for not doing anything about it?! This happens to the most of us, so this is a post on how to be a whistle blower. 

What is a whistle blower?

A whistle blower is someone who informs on someone or something that is engaging in unlawful or immoral activity. 

It sounds like a tell-tale, the annoying sibling that always rats you out for taking the last biscuit... But actually, if we untangle ourselves from the mess of stigmatisms and stereo-types surrounded by the idea of a whistle blower, what you actually see is someone standing up for what they believe in. 

Sometimes you need to remember your humanity, your morals and your principles and disregard what others might think or say, because you never know who you could be helping by doing so.

Its hard, there is no denying that. Often the people involved, know that they are doing wrong but can't seem to admit it to themselves, so carry on regardless and criticise or try to bully you into shrinking back. But don't shrink back, you are doing the right thing by reporting or putting a stop to this behaviour or activity. 

You should not be ashamed, you should not back down, you are doing the right thing. You have to keep telling yourself that, and remind yourself that no matter how tough it gets to support your actions, that you are being a whistle blower, and it takes courage to do so. 

'It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are' admittedly, this probably wasn't written to demonstrate this point, but it is still relevant. It takes courage to actualise your morals and be a whistle blower. 

Keep being amazing, and speak out and speak now, because you never know the positive effects you are having by blowing the whistle. 

-LF, LR and MG