I was on holiday in Mallorca back in September and the hotel I stayed in has entertainment on six out of the seven per nights per week. On Fridays, 'Rubén Memories' performed. During the week that I was there, I felt reluctant to go downstairs, as I had half fallen asleep to the SacconeJolys on my little springy bed. I went down to the bar area to be met by a tall, bald, skinny man, clutching a microphone stand and singing his little heart out. My mum and nana found seats and I sat down, one leg overlapping the other, and I leaned forward, beginning to immerse myself into the show.
Rubén was a fantastic performer. Sure, his singing voice wasn't the best, however his energy radiated across the room and his face lit up every time he received his round of applause following a song. He found little ways to encourage the audience to become involved; singing along with him, shaking their hands and even bringing in some waiters to dance with and to take over their jobs.
He kept repeating the phrase 'God, I love my job'.
This got me thinking.
This is what I want with my life.
This is what I aspire to do.
I don't care what some people I know say, I believe that the most important part of your job (or, for that matter, anything that you do) is to have fun. To enjoy what you're doing. Seeing him beaming as the climax of the song was reached made me tear up with pleasure.
I felt very inspired by him, and I still do today. Whatever I end up doing with my life, whether it be performing (ideally) or anything else, I want to stay sane, creative and, most importantly...
I want to be happy.
- LF, LR and MG
xxx
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Friday, 30 October 2015
Sunday, 19 July 2015
"Do More of What Makes You Happy"
As you get older, you notice that time is getting shorter. You get to the age at which you're entering secondary school, where you feel as if you have all the time in the world to have fun, so you go shopping with your friends, take your dog out for long walks and spend time on family picnics, with a bit of homework here and there. Then there are the end of year exams. This cycle progresses throughout your career at secondary school, with your free time being cut shorter and shorter without you even noticing it. Then BOOM. Year 11 whacks you across the face and you realise that your 'end of year exams' actually have an effect on your future, so for a few months you cut off most of your free time and filling it with endless revision, past papers and note-taking, before eventually spending the last remaining moments of your free time sprawled across the desk of scattered papers dozing off.
Eventually, by the time you hit Sixth Form (the last two years of compulsory education), you have a sudden realisation. All of that time you had spent with your loved ones has been evaporated. You haven't left the house aside from popping to school or the library in weeks and you feel confined to the same few rooms in your own house. That time you spent teaching yourself how to play the piano has all gone to waste, as you can't even remember how to shape a minor chord. You don't remember what daylight looks like. You haven't had a meal out in months.
This realisation happened to me two weeks ago, when we began to write our Personal Statements for university. I used to be able to speak about how I had an "ear for music" and could instantly pick out the correct chords and melody to any song on the keyboard. Now I can only remember one song. I used to love to socialise with my friends on the weekends, which rarely ever happens anymore. Hey, I even used to win at a round of bowling against my friends and family, now I can scarcely remember which finger goes in which hole in the bowling ball.
Now, free time is almost a foreign word to me. Any "free time" is spent trying to retrace the steps of my old skills, completing my book list for university, writing my Personal Statement (just kidding, that's just not happening), organising my life and also the occasional blog post. Even then, that doesn't happen often, as seen by the number of posts by my fellow writers in comparison to me.
What I wanted to get across was that I wish that I had made myself take some more free time, as I regret letting past hobbies go down the drain. I used to look at a piano and rush over to it, desperate to lay my fingers on the ebony and ivory keys. Now, I have that same enthusiasm, but I stare blankly at the keys in wonder of how I lost the skills to play.
Please make sure that you do more of what makes you most happy, as I wish that I had.
-LF, LR and MG
Sunday, 14 June 2015
The Carousel That Never Stops Turning
"It's horrible being a grown up, the carousel never stops turning."
Whilst I may have borrowed this line from Greys Anatomy, it nevertheless serves to demonstrate my point in this post.
You see what Ellis Grey is exploring is that life never stops, it just goes on and on. No amount of tragedy or otherwise will slow down the pace or change how things happen. Although Ellis Grey may be a fictional character, she makes an excellent point, which is that life will always keep going on and on.
It isn't going to slow down when we need it to, we might resist life, we might attempt to take a time out every now and again, but essentially, it will keep on keeping on, because that's what it does.
At times, this can be something that we come to resent. We just need five minutes grace to gather our thoughts and work some things through, but even if it doesn't seem like a good thing, ultimately it is what keeps us going, even when we don't think we are capable of going ourselves.
The point being, that even when things feel like they are at rock bottom, and are never going to get any better, they are. The carousel never stops turning, and that means that at some point things will change, they will turn around for the millionth time and something new will appear.
For most people, the biggest battle comes when they need to move with life, not against it. So how can we teach ourselves to move with life and become more resistant?
Here are some pointers that have definitely helped me, when I feel like I need the world to slow down:
1) Find pleasure in the small things: Look out of your window, into the world and find pleasure in the sky and nature. Nature is so beautiful but we often feel that the pace of life is too fast to appreciate it. Every now and then glancing at nature and taking even just a few seconds to appreciate how beautiful the world we live in is, will help to keep your feet on the ground and make you remember that what we see on a minuscule scale, is so much bigger.
2) Sometimes its okay to go where life takes you: The reason why most of us feel so stressed all the time, is because we are so used to being able to control every tiny aspect of our lives. In reality, it would do us all good to throw up our hands and tell ourselves that whatever will be, will be. Whether we like it or not, for the most part this is how life turns out. There is a famous saying that "We make plans, and god laughs" and I think that this is so true. Obviously some things you have to plan, but when you think of it in terms of the carousel, eventually whatever will happen, will happen and so if we just go with the flow of life, it will relieve that pressure even for a small amount of time.
3) Find some calming exercises: As simple as this sounds, it works wonders. For just five minutes a day, find a quiet spot, sit down and just do some breathing exercises. Most people think this is a waste of time, but I'm telling you, that as you relieve the tension in your body, it will feel as if everything is slowing down, which will have a calming effect on you. If you do this once or twice a week, it will give you time to just think over things and make yourself slightly more stress free. Its worth it, I promise.
I know that the pace of life moves so fast that often we can't even look up at our big world and admire where we are and what we are doing, but sometimes when you feel like the carousel is just turning too fast, then this is what you need to do.
Just stop for a few seconds and realise that you have been put here for a reason, and smile to yourself, knowing that no matter how fast the carousel is going, you will always be able to make your mark on the world.
-LF, LR, MG
Whilst I may have borrowed this line from Greys Anatomy, it nevertheless serves to demonstrate my point in this post.
You see what Ellis Grey is exploring is that life never stops, it just goes on and on. No amount of tragedy or otherwise will slow down the pace or change how things happen. Although Ellis Grey may be a fictional character, she makes an excellent point, which is that life will always keep going on and on.
It isn't going to slow down when we need it to, we might resist life, we might attempt to take a time out every now and again, but essentially, it will keep on keeping on, because that's what it does.
At times, this can be something that we come to resent. We just need five minutes grace to gather our thoughts and work some things through, but even if it doesn't seem like a good thing, ultimately it is what keeps us going, even when we don't think we are capable of going ourselves.
The point being, that even when things feel like they are at rock bottom, and are never going to get any better, they are. The carousel never stops turning, and that means that at some point things will change, they will turn around for the millionth time and something new will appear.
For most people, the biggest battle comes when they need to move with life, not against it. So how can we teach ourselves to move with life and become more resistant?
Here are some pointers that have definitely helped me, when I feel like I need the world to slow down:
1) Find pleasure in the small things: Look out of your window, into the world and find pleasure in the sky and nature. Nature is so beautiful but we often feel that the pace of life is too fast to appreciate it. Every now and then glancing at nature and taking even just a few seconds to appreciate how beautiful the world we live in is, will help to keep your feet on the ground and make you remember that what we see on a minuscule scale, is so much bigger.
2) Sometimes its okay to go where life takes you: The reason why most of us feel so stressed all the time, is because we are so used to being able to control every tiny aspect of our lives. In reality, it would do us all good to throw up our hands and tell ourselves that whatever will be, will be. Whether we like it or not, for the most part this is how life turns out. There is a famous saying that "We make plans, and god laughs" and I think that this is so true. Obviously some things you have to plan, but when you think of it in terms of the carousel, eventually whatever will happen, will happen and so if we just go with the flow of life, it will relieve that pressure even for a small amount of time.
3) Find some calming exercises: As simple as this sounds, it works wonders. For just five minutes a day, find a quiet spot, sit down and just do some breathing exercises. Most people think this is a waste of time, but I'm telling you, that as you relieve the tension in your body, it will feel as if everything is slowing down, which will have a calming effect on you. If you do this once or twice a week, it will give you time to just think over things and make yourself slightly more stress free. Its worth it, I promise.
I know that the pace of life moves so fast that often we can't even look up at our big world and admire where we are and what we are doing, but sometimes when you feel like the carousel is just turning too fast, then this is what you need to do.
Just stop for a few seconds and realise that you have been put here for a reason, and smile to yourself, knowing that no matter how fast the carousel is going, you will always be able to make your mark on the world.
-LF, LR, MG
Friday, 5 June 2015
The War Between The Media and Self Perception
I know its been a while since one of us has posted, as explained by a previous post, but now since my exams are finished (yay), I thought I'd give you all some food for thought.
Generally, most of us don't realise what is going on. You see an advert that asks you if your body is beach body perfect and we just walk on by, pretending as if you aren't already staring down at our thighs, asking ourselves if we are beach body perfect.
We are constantly subjected to millions of subliminal messages that tell us that unless we are a size zero, thigh gap ready, sexually appealing teenage girl, then we should do anything we can, to change ourselves.
The continual objectification of women, takes a toll on us eventually, as there is a very small percentage of girls that can tell you that they believe themselves to be 'size zero, thigh gap ready and sexually appealing'.
So what happens to the rest of us?
What do we do, when we stand in front of the mirror, pinching lumps of our flesh, and questioning our existence, based on the pictures of all the 'millions' of beach body ready girls out there, sighing at our perceived incompetence, and wondering how much more we can do to change?
When we stand there and scrutinise every 'less-than-perfect' bump, lump and scab, do you know what we are doing in truth? We are doing what the media wants us to do, we are reconceptualising our own self worth and turning it into how stick thin we can make ourselves or how bikini ready we can be.
What these messages are really telling us, is that as long as you get there in the end, it doesn't matter how you do it. And that is the real danger.
5% of teenage girls in the UK are suffering with anorexia. This statistic only concerns those girls suffering with anorexia, there are other eating disorders as well.
The media portrayal of what it means to be perfect, as a way of objectifying and degrading the self worth and acceptance of beauty being in everyone, is changing the way that we perceive ourselves.
My favourite advert is the dove advert, because it openly promotes beauty in all sizes and races. It proudly tells young girls and boys that they should be happy with their bodies and love themselves for who they are, and not what the number on the scale says.
I think what I am trying to say, is that whilst we may roll our eyes at the picture perfect, blemish free and fat free pictures and posters of women that we see everywhere we go, we need to take a moment to realise that that isn't real life.
Real life is the ugly scar above your knee from when you fell your bike when you were seven. Real life is the freckle on your arm that you work so hard to cover up, and for what? Real life is that fat that clings to us for its dear life, in places that we don't want it to.
Real life is knowing that there are things that we might not life about ourselves, but accepting the people that we are anyway. Its knowing that what we are told we should look like, is not what we look like, and that's okay.
Its knowing that the media is poisoning us against ourselves, and the best way to beat the media is to stare the media right in the face and smile at it, like a big FUCK YOU when we are happy and healthy.
The best way to show the media that no matter how many times it tries to tell us that we should look a certain way, is to look the way that you want to look, to look the way that you are and be proud.
Its about being proud of who you are and what you look like, and knowing that no amount of pathetic, unrealistic photoshopped image is going to make you doubt who you are.
There are seven billion diverse and beautiful people on this planet, it would be criminal if we all end up fitting into the same plastic mould.
-LF, LR and MG
Generally, most of us don't realise what is going on. You see an advert that asks you if your body is beach body perfect and we just walk on by, pretending as if you aren't already staring down at our thighs, asking ourselves if we are beach body perfect.
We are constantly subjected to millions of subliminal messages that tell us that unless we are a size zero, thigh gap ready, sexually appealing teenage girl, then we should do anything we can, to change ourselves.
The continual objectification of women, takes a toll on us eventually, as there is a very small percentage of girls that can tell you that they believe themselves to be 'size zero, thigh gap ready and sexually appealing'.
So what happens to the rest of us?
What do we do, when we stand in front of the mirror, pinching lumps of our flesh, and questioning our existence, based on the pictures of all the 'millions' of beach body ready girls out there, sighing at our perceived incompetence, and wondering how much more we can do to change?
When we stand there and scrutinise every 'less-than-perfect' bump, lump and scab, do you know what we are doing in truth? We are doing what the media wants us to do, we are reconceptualising our own self worth and turning it into how stick thin we can make ourselves or how bikini ready we can be.
What these messages are really telling us, is that as long as you get there in the end, it doesn't matter how you do it. And that is the real danger.
5% of teenage girls in the UK are suffering with anorexia. This statistic only concerns those girls suffering with anorexia, there are other eating disorders as well.
The media portrayal of what it means to be perfect, as a way of objectifying and degrading the self worth and acceptance of beauty being in everyone, is changing the way that we perceive ourselves.
My favourite advert is the dove advert, because it openly promotes beauty in all sizes and races. It proudly tells young girls and boys that they should be happy with their bodies and love themselves for who they are, and not what the number on the scale says.
I think what I am trying to say, is that whilst we may roll our eyes at the picture perfect, blemish free and fat free pictures and posters of women that we see everywhere we go, we need to take a moment to realise that that isn't real life.
Real life is the ugly scar above your knee from when you fell your bike when you were seven. Real life is the freckle on your arm that you work so hard to cover up, and for what? Real life is that fat that clings to us for its dear life, in places that we don't want it to.
Real life is knowing that there are things that we might not life about ourselves, but accepting the people that we are anyway. Its knowing that what we are told we should look like, is not what we look like, and that's okay.
Its knowing that the media is poisoning us against ourselves, and the best way to beat the media is to stare the media right in the face and smile at it, like a big FUCK YOU when we are happy and healthy.
The best way to show the media that no matter how many times it tries to tell us that we should look a certain way, is to look the way that you want to look, to look the way that you are and be proud.
Its about being proud of who you are and what you look like, and knowing that no amount of pathetic, unrealistic photoshopped image is going to make you doubt who you are.
There are seven billion diverse and beautiful people on this planet, it would be criminal if we all end up fitting into the same plastic mould.
-LF, LR and MG
Monday, 11 May 2015
Expectation vs Reality
We all do it. Spending hours wondering what our lives could be like if you'd said that, done that, looked like that. What we would be like if we were skinnier, prettier, smarter, nicer, happier, richer, or anything other than what we are.
We like to question our choices, bisect ourselves until there is nothing left, and the craziest thing is, that we never get to the root of our actions anyway.
When once asking a teacher if she had any regrets, she told me something that has stuck with me since. She told me:
When really, how often is it that we end up in the place we thought we would. People always say that the best adventures are the ones that are unplanned. So surely, if life is the best adventure, wouldn't it be better to leave it unplanned.
We need to stop having expectations of what we should be like, what we should look like and what we should be doing because it just damages the person we are right now.
Don't get me wrong- reach for the stars. Having goals and working towards them is very important. But don't get so sidetracked working on who you should be, that you forget to enjoy who you are now.
You might not have reached up to your expectations, because often the people we hold ransom to unrealistic expectations, is ourselves. We beat ourselves down for not getting the best grades, for not being the best at something or the prettiest or the skinniest or the most outgoing. When in reality, we need to appreciate ourselves for who we are.
I don't mean 'no regrets' like in the 'yolo' sense. I mean no regrets, because you are living your life on one path, when by now you have probably made a few choices that means that you could have been living your life on a totally different one.
I mean, don't regret who you are. Don't regret how far you've come. Even though for most of you, the person you are now, is nothing like the person you thought you might become, that doesn't mean you should regret that.
As I said, the best adventures in life are unplanned, and if life is the best adventure, then you're doing it great.
Just something to think about over this stressful period!
-LF, LR, and MG
We like to question our choices, bisect ourselves until there is nothing left, and the craziest thing is, that we never get to the root of our actions anyway.
When once asking a teacher if she had any regrets, she told me something that has stuck with me since. She told me:
"I don't believe in regrets. I don't believe in regrets because in that moment you thought you were doing the right thing, and you should never regret doing the right thing."I think that a toxic part of our personalities is that we focus too much on what we should have said and done. On what we should be like, and we reprimand ourselves on the fact that we are different to how we imagined we would be.
When really, how often is it that we end up in the place we thought we would. People always say that the best adventures are the ones that are unplanned. So surely, if life is the best adventure, wouldn't it be better to leave it unplanned.
We need to stop having expectations of what we should be like, what we should look like and what we should be doing because it just damages the person we are right now.
Don't get me wrong- reach for the stars. Having goals and working towards them is very important. But don't get so sidetracked working on who you should be, that you forget to enjoy who you are now.
You might not have reached up to your expectations, because often the people we hold ransom to unrealistic expectations, is ourselves. We beat ourselves down for not getting the best grades, for not being the best at something or the prettiest or the skinniest or the most outgoing. When in reality, we need to appreciate ourselves for who we are.
I don't mean 'no regrets' like in the 'yolo' sense. I mean no regrets, because you are living your life on one path, when by now you have probably made a few choices that means that you could have been living your life on a totally different one.
I mean, don't regret who you are. Don't regret how far you've come. Even though for most of you, the person you are now, is nothing like the person you thought you might become, that doesn't mean you should regret that.
As I said, the best adventures in life are unplanned, and if life is the best adventure, then you're doing it great.
Just something to think about over this stressful period!
-LF, LR, and MG
Tuesday, 5 May 2015
Surviving the Holidays
As study leave looms over us, and we can practically smell summer, most people are thinking about the long days they will spend in bed, followed by the long nights they will spend out, being carefree.
However, for some of you out there, the summer fills you with a sense of dread. For you, summer means six long weeks filled up whatever it is that school takes you away from.
Whether you go to school to escape your families or to see your friends or just because its a safe space, even if you wouldn't admit it out loud, the fact is, six weeks away from school, makes you want to cry.
Sometimes the weekends are long enough, so with that in mind, I'm going to give you some tips of how to survive the long summer months, because its okay not to want to go home!
1) Try and start planning something now. If you have the sort of parents that don't like you to make plans where you are out all day and all night, then make as many plans as you can, without aggravating them. The last thing you want is for them to ban you from going out. Try work within your boundaries to ensure that you live with the least amount of tension possible.
2) Work out your support network. Whether it be a few friends who know how much you don't want to be at home, or a teacher that you can email during the holidays. Try have both, but whatever you have works fine. Promise them that you will update them on whats going on. Don't leave yourself uncontactable for six weeks. You will feel lonely, you will feel isolated and if something happens and you need to get out- this will be the first person you can contact. I can't stress this enough: Don't leave yourself with no one. A helpful tip, once you work out who you are going to trust, speak to them so they know you might need them. They won't mind. Also, be aware that they might be going away, so check when they are here, so if you need them but they aren't around, you don't panic.
3) Get a job. Even if you don't need the money, which lets be honest, isn't that probable, because everyone needs money! It will buy you time out the house, whilst giving you a purpose, and letting your parents think that you are doing something with your life. All things that will help you get through the summer.
4) Find a hobby that keeps you busy. Take up a sport, or an art, or to be honest, anything that will keep you busy. Find something that will take you a few hours a day, or a few hours a week, preferably something you enjoy, or something you think you will grow to love.
5) Find a safe chat room to talk if you need. Go onto childline.com or 7cupsoftea and vent or ask for advice if you don't think you can do it, or you just need a space to yell.
6) Most importantly, stay safe and stay heard. Keep in contact with someone every day. When it gets too much, say so and go out, or spend the night at a friend. Don't do anything wreck less, but if you need to get out, then go. Your mental and physical health comes first, so please don't forget that. Don't forget to eat and sleep.
Don't forget that you are a beautiful person and no matter what you are inevitably going to have to face over the summer, that you are going to be okay. You will survive it, because you always have done, and when you get back to school after the summer or study leave, or even the weekend, you made it.
I believe in you, I really do.
Please if you need anything feel free to comment. You are reading this post from someone who is speaking from experience, so I am here for all of you.
-LF, LR and MG
However, for some of you out there, the summer fills you with a sense of dread. For you, summer means six long weeks filled up whatever it is that school takes you away from.
Whether you go to school to escape your families or to see your friends or just because its a safe space, even if you wouldn't admit it out loud, the fact is, six weeks away from school, makes you want to cry.
Sometimes the weekends are long enough, so with that in mind, I'm going to give you some tips of how to survive the long summer months, because its okay not to want to go home!
1) Try and start planning something now. If you have the sort of parents that don't like you to make plans where you are out all day and all night, then make as many plans as you can, without aggravating them. The last thing you want is for them to ban you from going out. Try work within your boundaries to ensure that you live with the least amount of tension possible.
2) Work out your support network. Whether it be a few friends who know how much you don't want to be at home, or a teacher that you can email during the holidays. Try have both, but whatever you have works fine. Promise them that you will update them on whats going on. Don't leave yourself uncontactable for six weeks. You will feel lonely, you will feel isolated and if something happens and you need to get out- this will be the first person you can contact. I can't stress this enough: Don't leave yourself with no one. A helpful tip, once you work out who you are going to trust, speak to them so they know you might need them. They won't mind. Also, be aware that they might be going away, so check when they are here, so if you need them but they aren't around, you don't panic.
3) Get a job. Even if you don't need the money, which lets be honest, isn't that probable, because everyone needs money! It will buy you time out the house, whilst giving you a purpose, and letting your parents think that you are doing something with your life. All things that will help you get through the summer.
4) Find a hobby that keeps you busy. Take up a sport, or an art, or to be honest, anything that will keep you busy. Find something that will take you a few hours a day, or a few hours a week, preferably something you enjoy, or something you think you will grow to love.
5) Find a safe chat room to talk if you need. Go onto childline.com or 7cupsoftea and vent or ask for advice if you don't think you can do it, or you just need a space to yell.
6) Most importantly, stay safe and stay heard. Keep in contact with someone every day. When it gets too much, say so and go out, or spend the night at a friend. Don't do anything wreck less, but if you need to get out, then go. Your mental and physical health comes first, so please don't forget that. Don't forget to eat and sleep.
Don't forget that you are a beautiful person and no matter what you are inevitably going to have to face over the summer, that you are going to be okay. You will survive it, because you always have done, and when you get back to school after the summer or study leave, or even the weekend, you made it.
I believe in you, I really do.
Please if you need anything feel free to comment. You are reading this post from someone who is speaking from experience, so I am here for all of you.
-LF, LR and MG
Sunday, 29 March 2015
How to be a Whistle Blower
I would say that most people like to believe that they have morals and principles that they stick to, and would stand up for no matter what. However, when it actually comes down to it, how often do we actually speak out and speak now when we see something that we want to change, or that doesn't sit right with us?
We live in a world where people have become so concerned about what others think of them, that they forget about what is right and what is wrong because as long as we all fit in, then it won't cause us any discomfort.
Truth be told, how many times have you witnessed something and wished you would have reported it, but didn't. Then later that day or week, you stew over what you heard or saw and want to kick yourself for not doing anything about it?! This happens to the most of us, so this is a post on how to be a whistle blower.
What is a whistle blower?
A whistle blower is someone who informs on someone or something that is engaging in unlawful or immoral activity.
It sounds like a tell-tale, the annoying sibling that always rats you out for taking the last biscuit... But actually, if we untangle ourselves from the mess of stigmatisms and stereo-types surrounded by the idea of a whistle blower, what you actually see is someone standing up for what they believe in.
Sometimes you need to remember your humanity, your morals and your principles and disregard what others might think or say, because you never know who you could be helping by doing so.
Its hard, there is no denying that. Often the people involved, know that they are doing wrong but can't seem to admit it to themselves, so carry on regardless and criticise or try to bully you into shrinking back. But don't shrink back, you are doing the right thing by reporting or putting a stop to this behaviour or activity.
You should not be ashamed, you should not back down, you are doing the right thing. You have to keep telling yourself that, and remind yourself that no matter how tough it gets to support your actions, that you are being a whistle blower, and it takes courage to do so.
'It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are' admittedly, this probably wasn't written to demonstrate this point, but it is still relevant. It takes courage to actualise your morals and be a whistle blower.
Keep being amazing, and speak out and speak now, because you never know the positive effects you are having by blowing the whistle.
-LF, LR and MG
Sunday, 15 March 2015
Finding Your Happiness
“The
grass might not always be greener on the other side, but the sun definitely
shines brighter when you’re happy.”
If I’m being honest, I don’t think
I really understood the gravity of what this means until the last few weeks.
When you’re in a situation, it is
so easy to just get bogged down in it. It is so easy to let yourself be
consumed by the struggle, by the stress and the anger and the sadness of
whatever you’re going through. Most of the time we don’t even realise we are doing
it until we stop. Day after day, it’s all you can think about, its all you eat,
sleep and breath.
The worst part about it, is that
its not even like you realise. Its not even like you know that you’re doing it.
And without realising you are becoming your problems. They’ve swallowed you
whole, and now you can’t separate between what your situation is and who you
are. It’s such a horrible feeling. Going around all the time with this massive
weight bearing on your shoulders, not knowing what to do. Sinking into the
sand, not by choice, but because essentially you just don’t know how to save
yourself.
But here is something that I have
learnt. You don’t need to fix your problems. Most of the time you can’t fix
your problems, which is why they weigh down on you so much. All you have to do
is smile.
That’s literally it. It sounds
simple, but unlike most of everything else I say, it actually is simple. It is
genuinely the most effective thing I have ever done in my life. One day, you
just have to wake up.
Metaphorically, I mean. You have to
wake up, and you have to tell yourself that from now on, you are going to be
happy. From now on, you are going to stop wishing and waiting about the person
you would someday like to become, and you are going to be that person.
No more waiting to be happy. No
more waiting for a time where your problems and pain are no longer there.
Because chances are, you’ll be waiting your whole life.
Start now. I promise you, you’ll
have never felt so free. It is a beautiful feeling. It is a feeling that is
like no other, when your smile meets you eyes, and you laugh and people tell
you that you look happy. And you don’t just say thank you, and plaster on a
fake smile. You laugh and agree with them, because you actually feel happy. You
can feel that warmth that you have longed to feel since you can remember.
You mouth aches from laughing and
your cheeks are stiff because wherever you can, you smile.
You smile because there is a part
of you that has let go. There is a part of you that understands now that the
only way to be happy, is to make your own happiness.
Because no one is going to make
happiness for you, apart from yourself. And then, something weird happens.
Suddenly, you see happiness in the blue sky, you see happiness in the rain and
in the clouds. You see happiness in children, and in flowers. You see happiness
in the way you skip along the road and laugh with your friends.
You hear happiness in music as you
sing along to the beat.
And you know what? There are still
times when you are sad. There are still times when you are stressed, sad and
angry.
But somehow the fact that you are
also happy, and can free yourself from your problems and the rest of your life,
is the best gift anyone ever got you, and the best part of that, is that it’s a
gift you gave yourself.
As humans, we have a very special
power. We have a power that enables us to feel. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget
to feel the sunshine on your face, or the flowers in your hair. Don’t wait so
long that you can’t remember what it feels like to be happy, or what is feels
like to truly laugh.
It isn’t going to rid you of all
pain, it isn’t going to solve the things you have been trying to solve. But it
is going to brighten up that darkness.
And most of the time, all we need
is a little bit of light to show us the way.
-LF, LR and MG
-LF, LR and MG
Sunday, 8 March 2015
How to Stay Strong
Hope is a funny thing. You keep telling yourself that it will get better, but deep down, in the pit of your stomach, where all your anxieties live, you can't help but remind yourself that although at some point it may get better, it still hasn't yet.
Here is the thing, even in your darkest moment, on your darkest days, you have to remember that you can do it. You have to remember that you are as strong as you need to be and that no matter what life throws at you, you are capable.
Because in the end, everyone has pain, its whether or not you chose to suffer with it: that is key.
You have to take a deep breath, and remember that whatever is going on now, isn't permanent, and that there is going to be a time where this time in your life when you spent days and weeks not being able to look past it, fades into the past.
There is going to be a time, where you are living your life the way that you want to, with everything behind you.
Hold on to that thought, and don't let go. No matter what happens, if you have that thought of 'its going to be okay' then it will be okay.
A lot of the time, we believe that things happen to us are going to break us, not build us. But you have to hold on to the fact that the darkest times come just before dawn, and that if you can just wait it out until the morning, and keep on fighting, then it is going to be worth it.
I promise you, that no matter how hard it gets, no matter how many times you break down and you tell yourself that you can't do it anymore, you can do it.
You are so much stronger than you think. Never ever forget that.
It is always ok to feel like you just can't do it anymore, it is always ok to feel that nothing is ever going to get fixed, as long as you remember that it will. As long as you remember that it is worth the fight, it is worth the tears. Because at some point, it will come right.
What will be, will be. But as long as you know you have done everything you could to help yourself, then whatever happens will happen for the good.
I can't tell you that whats going on in your life is as a result of anything, but I can tell you that it is going to build you into the most incredible person. And that when you smile, it isn't the smile of a broken person, it is the smile of a warrior.
The smile of a person, who has built their self on strength, on bravery and on kindness. On the basis that one day, one day they are going to get there. One day they are going to look back and smile, and say that they did it.
And if you never forget any of that, then you will stay strong. You will stay strong until the very end, and I believe in you.
Please remember to speak out and speak now, if you are having a hard time staying strong.
-LF, LR and MG
Here is the thing, even in your darkest moment, on your darkest days, you have to remember that you can do it. You have to remember that you are as strong as you need to be and that no matter what life throws at you, you are capable.
Because in the end, everyone has pain, its whether or not you chose to suffer with it: that is key.
You have to take a deep breath, and remember that whatever is going on now, isn't permanent, and that there is going to be a time where this time in your life when you spent days and weeks not being able to look past it, fades into the past.
There is going to be a time, where you are living your life the way that you want to, with everything behind you.
Hold on to that thought, and don't let go. No matter what happens, if you have that thought of 'its going to be okay' then it will be okay.
A lot of the time, we believe that things happen to us are going to break us, not build us. But you have to hold on to the fact that the darkest times come just before dawn, and that if you can just wait it out until the morning, and keep on fighting, then it is going to be worth it.
I promise you, that no matter how hard it gets, no matter how many times you break down and you tell yourself that you can't do it anymore, you can do it.
You are so much stronger than you think. Never ever forget that.
It is always ok to feel like you just can't do it anymore, it is always ok to feel that nothing is ever going to get fixed, as long as you remember that it will. As long as you remember that it is worth the fight, it is worth the tears. Because at some point, it will come right.
What will be, will be. But as long as you know you have done everything you could to help yourself, then whatever happens will happen for the good.
I can't tell you that whats going on in your life is as a result of anything, but I can tell you that it is going to build you into the most incredible person. And that when you smile, it isn't the smile of a broken person, it is the smile of a warrior.
The smile of a person, who has built their self on strength, on bravery and on kindness. On the basis that one day, one day they are going to get there. One day they are going to look back and smile, and say that they did it.
And if you never forget any of that, then you will stay strong. You will stay strong until the very end, and I believe in you.
Please remember to speak out and speak now, if you are having a hard time staying strong.
-LF, LR and MG
Sunday, 1 March 2015
Insecurities
We all have them. Those tiny aspects of your face, body or personality that stick out to you like a sore thumb. They play on your mind and cause you to think endless things, such as how you can best hide your bingo wings or whether your foundation has enough coverage to conceal the atrocity that you call your acne-ridden forehead. You feel almost paranoid as soon as anyone looks in the direction of your 'thunder thighs' or your gigantic nose.
These are your insecurities.
They are a huge deal in your life.
But they are not a huge deal in anyone else's.
Nobody is going to look at you and think "oh dear that person's face is utterly horrendous because they have freckly cheeks, that means that they are an awful human being and should be thrown of the face of the earth".
Nobody is going to glare at you from a mile away because you have bigger or smaller feet than they do.
Nobody else will notice these things.
They are interested in you. As a person, not as an object. They will look at you and wonder how you manage to retain such an incredible personality with your beautiful smile and adorable laugh. They will wish that they could be your friend because they know how much you genuinely care about each individual person that feature in your life. In fact, they would probably be stood there, worrying to death about you noticing the couple of miniature but stubborn strands of hair that are out of place on their own eyebrows.
This is the one thing that every person always forgets. They are your insecurities because nobody else cares.
All you need to be concerned about is carrying on being that brilliant person that you are. The high-achieving, optimistic, bubbly, kind, helpful bundle of joy that you always were and always will be.
That is all.
-LF, LR and MG
Wednesday, 21 January 2015
Fighting Anxiety
The thing about anxiety is that, at first, it slowly and stealthily creeps into the back of your mind, but then, before you know it, it has taken over and controls the way you think, talk, act and function.
Just like with other mental illnesses, we are unable to predict General Anxiety Disorder and how it will affect us. Some people stride through life, barely anxious about anything and carry on as though they are as light as a feather. However, for others, it is not that simple. Anxiety has a way of dragging you down, making you over-analyse and scrutinise every single action you make or word that you say, to the point where you can't function properly.
Staggering statistics show, that 1 in 5 people suffer with feeling anxious for some or most of the time. This is important to realise because although anxiety is "the most prevalent mental health disease" in the UK, it is the most "under reported, under-diagnosed and under-treated" Which also highlights other problems such as lack of awareness, which ultimately and unsurprisingly, is caused by lack of education.
Some common signs and symptoms of anxiety are: Feelings of fear, panic and uneasiness; problems sleeping; cold sweaty hands or feet, shortness of breath; heart palpitations; inability to be still and calm; dry mouth, nausea; muscle tension; dizziness or panic attacks. These are not all the symptoms, but are very commons ones, which can help you identify whether you are suffering with this illness.
Now, we would like to give you some coping techniques that we hope will provide you with ways in which you can help yourself, and will also give you the courage and strength to seek more professional help, if the symptoms do not subside.
1) Take deep, calming breaths. We know it sounds very simple, but it actually works wonders. Breathing in through your nose, and out through your mouth a few times, can help clear your mind from the initial panic, will help you see things more clearly, and will also enable you to relieve some of the building tension you may feel particularly in your chest, shoulders and neck.
2) Try to rationalise. The thing about anxiety, is that it has a way of taking even the most insignificant sounding scenarios and turning them into a full blown nightmare in your head. Try to put back the root of the fear, or if you can't find the root, the thing you are most worried about, into context. Place it back where it came from, and try to find logical and conclusive evidence that either supports your worry, or shrinks it back down to normal size. This can be quite hard to do, so try talking it out with someone you trust, or writing it down.
3) Find a nice, quiet spot to sit. Just by clearing your head from all the noise and commotion around you, sitting down, and relaxing for a few moments, you may be able to calm down the thing that feels too much.
4) Talking things through. Often, the reason why we get in such a mess, is because we let the thing go round and round in our heads until it is wildly out of proportion and causing us great difficultly. Just by finding someone you trust, to talk to about it, can help you greatly and relieve the pain and weight from your shoulders.
5) With two fingers, tap the back of your other hand. Using this when you are anxious allows you to let out your feelings, by tapping very quickly. After a while of doing this, start to slow down and in turn, your breaths and eventually your heart rate will slow down with it. This method, can be very calming and comforting.
These are just four, basic things that we hope will reduce particularly the imminent anxiety that you may feel. Although, under rated, anxiety really does affect people sometimes critically, so please, if you yourself, or someone you know suffers with anxiety and is receiving no help for it, don't forget to speak out and speak now so that you can help yourself.
Sometimes these things feel like they are going to swallow us up whole, but once you get help, you will be able to clear your mind and begin to walk on the path that you want to go on, not the one that anxiety is steering you towards.
-LF, LR and MG
Just like with other mental illnesses, we are unable to predict General Anxiety Disorder and how it will affect us. Some people stride through life, barely anxious about anything and carry on as though they are as light as a feather. However, for others, it is not that simple. Anxiety has a way of dragging you down, making you over-analyse and scrutinise every single action you make or word that you say, to the point where you can't function properly.
Staggering statistics show, that 1 in 5 people suffer with feeling anxious for some or most of the time. This is important to realise because although anxiety is "the most prevalent mental health disease" in the UK, it is the most "under reported, under-diagnosed and under-treated" Which also highlights other problems such as lack of awareness, which ultimately and unsurprisingly, is caused by lack of education.
Some common signs and symptoms of anxiety are: Feelings of fear, panic and uneasiness; problems sleeping; cold sweaty hands or feet, shortness of breath; heart palpitations; inability to be still and calm; dry mouth, nausea; muscle tension; dizziness or panic attacks. These are not all the symptoms, but are very commons ones, which can help you identify whether you are suffering with this illness.
Now, we would like to give you some coping techniques that we hope will provide you with ways in which you can help yourself, and will also give you the courage and strength to seek more professional help, if the symptoms do not subside.
1) Take deep, calming breaths. We know it sounds very simple, but it actually works wonders. Breathing in through your nose, and out through your mouth a few times, can help clear your mind from the initial panic, will help you see things more clearly, and will also enable you to relieve some of the building tension you may feel particularly in your chest, shoulders and neck.
2) Try to rationalise. The thing about anxiety, is that it has a way of taking even the most insignificant sounding scenarios and turning them into a full blown nightmare in your head. Try to put back the root of the fear, or if you can't find the root, the thing you are most worried about, into context. Place it back where it came from, and try to find logical and conclusive evidence that either supports your worry, or shrinks it back down to normal size. This can be quite hard to do, so try talking it out with someone you trust, or writing it down.
3) Find a nice, quiet spot to sit. Just by clearing your head from all the noise and commotion around you, sitting down, and relaxing for a few moments, you may be able to calm down the thing that feels too much.
4) Talking things through. Often, the reason why we get in such a mess, is because we let the thing go round and round in our heads until it is wildly out of proportion and causing us great difficultly. Just by finding someone you trust, to talk to about it, can help you greatly and relieve the pain and weight from your shoulders.
5) With two fingers, tap the back of your other hand. Using this when you are anxious allows you to let out your feelings, by tapping very quickly. After a while of doing this, start to slow down and in turn, your breaths and eventually your heart rate will slow down with it. This method, can be very calming and comforting.
These are just four, basic things that we hope will reduce particularly the imminent anxiety that you may feel. Although, under rated, anxiety really does affect people sometimes critically, so please, if you yourself, or someone you know suffers with anxiety and is receiving no help for it, don't forget to speak out and speak now so that you can help yourself.
Sometimes these things feel like they are going to swallow us up whole, but once you get help, you will be able to clear your mind and begin to walk on the path that you want to go on, not the one that anxiety is steering you towards.
-LF, LR and MG
Wednesday, 14 January 2015
The 'A' Word.
The thing about abuse, is that you can go your whole childhood believing that one thing is normal; and then, one day when you least expect it, its like BAM! If you are being abused, the amount of energy it takes to keep it a secret is unbelievably exhausting and has many effects on your mental health and your physical health. But it's more than that, its the awful feeling when you first have to come to terms with the fact that the things in your life that you once considered 'normal' are really, really not. And you know something: thats ok. No one is going to judge you based on what other people have done to you, or to a close member of your family, or a friend. Its ok, and it is going to be ok.
Something we have noticed about the word 'abuse' is that it is very taboo. No one wants to even utter the word, unless it's a joke, because otherwise it would be real. No one likes to admit these kind of things about their family, or their friends. People have decided that 'abuse' is a word that leaves a bad taste in their mouth, and try whatever they can to avoid saying it. To avoid being the whistle blower, and calling people out when they know it's wrong.
We think the first question we need to answer, is what is abuse?
Abuse can be divided up into a few categories, all as serious, damaging and painful as each other:
1) Physical Abuse: That involves anything to do with a person/people hitting, kicking, punching, pinching, pushing or using their body to physically hurt another person.
2) Emotional Abuse: This is something that often people overlook, but is still just as important and can be extremely damaging. It involves name calling, hateful speech directed at anyone, excess shouting, screaming, manipulative language, threatening language or being spoken to in a degrading and insulting way.
3) Sexual Abuse: When someone who does not have your explicit consent, touches you or does something to you in an inappropriate way that makes you feel uncomfortable.
4) Neglect: When the people involved are being deprived of basic needs, such as food, money, clothes, medical attention, personal hygiene requirements and education.
5) Financial Abuse: When you are given restricted or no access to your accounts, or your partner is gambling away or loosing your money without your consent.
As much as it is important to know these 'symptoms' of abuse, so that you can be aware what to look for, it is also important to know something else:
It is not and it never will be, your fault. Whatever is going on, is not a reflection of who you are, it is just the situation that you have been given. Please, please, we seriously urge you, that if something written in this blog speaks to you, then speak up and speak now.
It's going to be scary, lonely and hard at times, but chances are, those are all feelings that you are very used to. But then, it'll be different, it'll be better and you'll be happy and safe. And that is the most important thing. We cannot advise you strongly enough to speak to a trusted adult, who could be a teacher, a doctor, a friend, a member of your family, but anyone- before it is too late.
You are worthy of a good life, you are worthy of happiness and health. So please, remember to speak up and speak now, because you really are important, you are kind, you are a valid human being that doesn't deserve to live like this.
-LF, LR and MG
Something we have noticed about the word 'abuse' is that it is very taboo. No one wants to even utter the word, unless it's a joke, because otherwise it would be real. No one likes to admit these kind of things about their family, or their friends. People have decided that 'abuse' is a word that leaves a bad taste in their mouth, and try whatever they can to avoid saying it. To avoid being the whistle blower, and calling people out when they know it's wrong.
We think the first question we need to answer, is what is abuse?
Abuse can be divided up into a few categories, all as serious, damaging and painful as each other:
1) Physical Abuse: That involves anything to do with a person/people hitting, kicking, punching, pinching, pushing or using their body to physically hurt another person.
2) Emotional Abuse: This is something that often people overlook, but is still just as important and can be extremely damaging. It involves name calling, hateful speech directed at anyone, excess shouting, screaming, manipulative language, threatening language or being spoken to in a degrading and insulting way.
3) Sexual Abuse: When someone who does not have your explicit consent, touches you or does something to you in an inappropriate way that makes you feel uncomfortable.
4) Neglect: When the people involved are being deprived of basic needs, such as food, money, clothes, medical attention, personal hygiene requirements and education.
5) Financial Abuse: When you are given restricted or no access to your accounts, or your partner is gambling away or loosing your money without your consent.
As much as it is important to know these 'symptoms' of abuse, so that you can be aware what to look for, it is also important to know something else:
It is not and it never will be, your fault. Whatever is going on, is not a reflection of who you are, it is just the situation that you have been given. Please, please, we seriously urge you, that if something written in this blog speaks to you, then speak up and speak now.
It's going to be scary, lonely and hard at times, but chances are, those are all feelings that you are very used to. But then, it'll be different, it'll be better and you'll be happy and safe. And that is the most important thing. We cannot advise you strongly enough to speak to a trusted adult, who could be a teacher, a doctor, a friend, a member of your family, but anyone- before it is too late.
You are worthy of a good life, you are worthy of happiness and health. So please, remember to speak up and speak now, because you really are important, you are kind, you are a valid human being that doesn't deserve to live like this.
-LF, LR and MG
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