New Year Thoughts (LF)

The reason that I am writing this post is because I was inspired by one of my closest friends' tweets. She wrote:

"This year needs to say bye bye"

and this got me thinking. Retrospectively, I don't think that 2015 was a bad year for me. I became more body confident, spent my entire summer having amazing experiences - work related or not, stopped biting my nails, completed my UCAS form and went for 3/5 of my interview days for universities, continued with my old hobbies and found some more, rekindled some old friendships and created new ones.

However, as I went through each month of this year, it didn't give off the same impression. I had mock exams, followed by the real things, grade disappointments, intense nostalgia, family struggles, anxiety surrounding events that I should not have been nervous for and many tears.

But as the year comes to a close, I am beginning to almost forget about those not-so-great times. I can now leave 2015 with the thought of it being not such a bad year for me. I know that in reality, it just wasn't great, but I think that the beauty of 2015 is that it is in the past now. If I cling onto those negative feelings, I won't be able to move on with my life. I won't be able to fully enjoy the rest of my final year of school, turning 18, prom, the extremely long summer holiday, and eventually (and hopefully) starting my university career.

I say this every year, but I think that 2016 will be my year. But this time, I am not just saying it. I am going to go out of my way to make sure that when I am a mother watching my children enter their 18th year in this world, I will be able to say "I loved being 18, it was one of my favourite years".

Obviously there are many aspects of my life that are out of my control, as with everyone. When it comes to those parts, it won't be that I will rise up and change things myself because I physically cannot do that. I feel like instead, it will be a change in mindset, which I will 100% benefit from. Instead of putting myself down all the time, I'm going to turn that around and positive thinking should come with rewards.

I also want to enter 2016 with the attitude that I will post more; I can't believe that I haven't posted since October!

Happy new year everyone <3

-LF, LR and MG
xxx

Reaching For the Stars

It starts with something small, a little seed that gets planted at the back of your mind, which most of us disregard. Secretly, when you think no one is looking, you put together some ideas. The ball keeps rolling, and without even realising it, you have thought up a whole plan for that thing that just a few weeks prior, was just a seed in the back of your mind.

Even at this point, most of us laugh at our own 'delusion' and remain with our feet planted firmly on the ground, reluctant to entertain the possibility of success, or of making our ideas into a reality. Not because we don't want to, or because we have negative intentions, but because we genuinely believe that we aren't capable of doing so.

But what if I told you, that with some perseverance, planning and positivity, you could lift your feet off the ground, and truly touch the stars? When I look at myself I know that for one reason or another I have put a pin into so many things that I have wanted to do, almost always because I am not confident enough in myself to believe I can pull them off.

However, this year I have had a growth of self-belief starting with this wonderful blog, and in one thing or another, I have realised that there are some steps involved but when you do them, you really can make a successful project come to life. I would like to offer some steps into turning your dreams into a reality:

1) Believe in yourself. To be honest, I think of all the things I could say in this post, telling you to believe in yourself is most probably the most important. There will be people that doubt your idea and there will be times when you will doubt yourself, and tell yourself that there is no way that you can accomplish what you have set out to do. Ignore those doubts, because whether you believe they are justified or not, if you just look slightly past them, then you will reach your success. Self-belief is what will carry you through all the time you spend working on your project. It is what will keep you going through the process, as a constant reminder that you can do this.

2) PLAN. I would say that a big part of being able to actualise your dreams is to plan, and plan big. Work out each stage of your project, and all the mini-steps that it will take to get you there. Write down a list of all the things you will need to do in order to achieve your aims, and ways in which you can complete them. In times of doubt or when things seem overwhelming or unachievable, you will look at your plan and feel reassured that you know where you are going with it, and what you are doing.

3) Be Inspired. I think that the best projects are the ones that you are so deeply connected with, that you are going to try as hard as you can to get them going. The ones that you so desperately want to make successful are usually the ones that go the furthest because of your own inspiration and your own drive to make it happen. I think that this is the key to success and is something that you should bare in mind all the time.

I hope that these three tips will help you in reaching for the stars, but most of all, I would like to share an idea that I put together a few weeks ago. I believe that you should always reach for the stars, even if you can't quite see them. That means working as hard as you can, on something you feel passionately about, even if it doesn't feel like it is being successful, or even if you feel like its not quite going the way you want it to. Working hard on something that you believe in, is genuinely one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had, something that I experience daily with this blog, and is something that I would encourage all of you to think about.

Reach for the stars, because you never quite know what magic can happen along the way!

-LF, LR and MG
xxx

Moving On: Nostalgia and Change

I don't know about you, but I am certainly the type of person who finds it difficult to adjust to new ideas and let go of old ones. I suffer from terrible nostalgia and I get upset over things that once were. For example, it probably took me the majority of Year 7 (the first year of secondary school) to settle in, because I was longing to go back to primary school with my old friends and old teachers and not a care in the world. I would even try to prolong this holding onto my past by seeing only my primary school friends on Fridays after school. (I gave advice on how to cope with big changes here; this is slightly different).

I also tend to be stung by unchangeable factors. These are the worst, purely because they simply cannot be changed. I feel upset when I see people with thicker hair than me, people who are naturally smarter or funnier than me, or seeing my brother live every day of his life at an entirely different perspective to you or me due to his Autistic Spectrum Disorder. I get upset, more topically, when I do not fit into the desired category that teachers, friends, classmates and many more people may need, so I become left behind.

From these situations, I find it incredibly hard to move on. It is within my nature; I am a sensitive girl who overthinks everything and dwells on what could have been or what once was.

Though what I find very helpful is to try and reason with myself.

The first step to this is to allow yourself time to be upset. You are unhappy, unsettled or feeling nostalgic for a reason, be it rational or not. "It's okay not to be okay" is my favourite quote sometimes, as it reminds me that I am only human, and I am allowed to feel like this.

Then, I like to tell myself to stop. Yes, the time to be sad is necessary, but it should not have to change anything or get in the way of your productivity.

I then sit down alone and think about all of the positives that come out of the situation. Like how this has benefitted you, how you could change the way you do things the next time, and "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".

After that step, I find that I am able to not necessarily move on per-say, but at least I can see a light at the end of a tunnel and I am able to resume normal life.

Or scrap all of the advice I gave you and sit in bed eating ice cream - I recommend the new Walls' soft 'Big Scoop' chocolate ice cream. Best thing on the planet.

- LF, LR and MG
xxx

The "Comfort Zone"

For most people, stepping out of your comfort zone can be your worst nightmare. There are so many different cases for this, but I know that for me personally (as seen in my post on insecurities which can be found here), I am extremely self-conscious and when it comes to dressing myself; I am stuck because I do not dare touch most tight clothing, including jeans, and I'm always concerned about how people look at me. I also know that I am not the only one. (In this case, take a look at that post I linked to, I'm quite proud of it!).

But, you see, there are ways in which you can compensate for you remaining in the "comfort zone". For some people, it's the way in which they do their make up in the mornings which brings them so much more confidence to use to speak to people. It may be that they are extremely bright and brainy, so their excellent results shine through the intellectual challenges that they face, or they are a passionate ice skater and soar across the slippery surface as quickly as their legs would let them.

For me, it's performing. I discovered this when I was around 7 years old. I'm not terribly sure where exactly it sprouted from, I just felt like starting one of the new extra-curricular clubs and I haven't stopped since. Maybe it was the lovely teacher who motivated us to keep trying, or maybe it was the friendly faces surrounding me, but I don't remember. I now have a huge passion for the theatre and drama, whether it be devising my own performance or following the strict stage directions and the director's interpretations. I may not be excellent at maths or have a super skinny body, but I sure can perform my little heart out in front of an audience filled with people that I adore. I can allow the adrenalin to race through my body which forces me to shine as an actor and express myself through this creative way. I also love to write (hence setting up this blog with my two best friends), and read, and sing, and play music.

I know, I have gone quite off topic, sorry!

What I wanted to say in this blog post that there are so many different ways to express yourself, so there is NO reason to put yourself down because you're not "smart enough", "creative enough" or even "pretty enough". You are you, which is the best that you can be.
Yes, it is great to stay in the "comfort zone", it is safe and secure. But life gets too boring after a while in there, so it's brilliant to spice things up and try something new. I never thought that I would be able to even comprehend what different pieces of make up do, but now I can't put it down! It's great fun to try something new, even if it means taking a step down a different route which you are not used to. But sometimes it's nice to stick to things that you enjoy the most, such as sports, reading, baking, you name it!

To summarise: you do you, don't let anyone judge you for it.

Thank you for reading this far into my ramblings,
- LF, LR and MG
xxx

The Taylor Swift Phenomenon

When recently having a discussion with friends over today's positive female role models in the media, we struggled to come up with- well any. But as we stewed over this idea, becoming increasingly perplexed by the absence of positive female role models, one name seemed to pop into all of our minds, as we unanimously agreed that Taylor Swift ticks all of our criteria boxes.

We compiled a lengthy list of all the reasons for Taylor Swift being the perfect role model, it struck as as absurd how negatively she is portrayed in the media, considering all the beautiful things she has contributed to the music industry as well as for humanity in general. Swift continues to amaze the world musically as she produced her fifth album in October 2014, which sold 1.287 million copies in the first week, the fastest selling album ever!

But that aside, focusing on what she does for humanity, we were overwhelmed to discover that no only is Swift a strong headed, independent feminist, who constantly speaks out about the importance of fighting for equality for men and women, as well as the strength behind maintaining a support system of good, steady friends, but what Swift does best of all, is use her time, energy, fame and money to constantly look out for, support and care for her adoring fans.

Taylor Swift is a kind, caring twenty five year old, who takes time out her extremely busy life to send care packages to fans all over the world with hand written notes expressing a personal message to them. She sends money to fans who need, visits ill children in hospitals, taking time to speak and sing to them. She donates her money to charities such as NYC public schools and opened to Taylor Swift Education Centre. Swift invited 5x89 fans to secret hearings at her house of her latest release before it came out. As well as this, she personally sees that she keeps up with so many of her fans, constantly expressing her gratitude and support of them, going out of her way to do things like attend their bridal showers and send them concert tickets. All because she is genuine, caring individual who truly emulates the perfect role model, by promoting self worth, positive body images for both male and females as well as constantly leaving her fans in awe by showing her compassion and understanding for those who are being bullied, or suffering from illnesses both physical or mental.

But yet, what struck us as unjust, is that none of what we have described above, is ever spoken about in the media. Instead, the media chooses to focus on Swift's dating life, which by the way, is completely regular of a normal twenty five year old girl, and frankly even if dating six people was considered atrocious (which it obviously isn't) it really is no ones business as Swift should be allowed to maintain some privacy.

Why is it, that all we are told about Taylor Alison Swift is that she is a 'serial dater' and produces music that explicitly outlines her dating experiences but nothing more. Why are the same things not said about Rhianna or pretty much any other artist out there, male or female? Why is it, that for so long now, the media chooses to speculate about Swift, creating rumours that make no sense, zoning on in 'flaws' that they have created, such as being a talented musician and having a boyfriend, when these are things that every other person is more than welcome to? What is this 'Taylor Swift Phenomenon' that gives people incentive to ignore the obviously beautiful person that she is, and replace it with negative and unnecessary hate, that just seems to us, to be completely out of order and pathetic.

Surely, in a world where we are struggling to find good, innocent people- people that are in the public eye that provide us with a positive image of how we should be conducting ourselves, we would want to be pointing out that Taylor Swift is a role model. That the amount of benevolence that Swift exhibits is unbelievable and we should all only aspire to show the same levels of compassion that she does towards everyone.

So what we should take from this post, is that no matter how much the media tries to shove it down our throats, sometimes we need to open our eyes to the good people in this world. Taylor Swift is an amazing human being, and whilst her music is gold to our ears, whats more is that she manages to balance her talents with something even more important- with being a good person.

And whilst Swift would say that the 'haters are gonna hate, hate, hate' we think that it is definitely time for the haters to stop hating, because we have to speak out and speak now, in defence for a rarity in today's society- a positive role model in the public eye that is Taylor Alison Swift.

-LF, LR and MG

Insecurities

We all have them. Those tiny aspects of your face, body or personality that stick out to you like a sore thumb. They play on your mind and cause you to think endless things, such as how you can best hide your bingo wings or whether your foundation has enough coverage to conceal the atrocity that you call your acne-ridden forehead. You feel almost paranoid as soon as anyone looks in the direction of your 'thunder thighs' or your gigantic nose.

These are your insecurities. 

They are a huge deal in your life.

But they are not a huge deal in anyone else's.

Nobody is going to look at you and think "oh dear that person's face is utterly horrendous because they have freckly cheeks, that means that they are an awful human being and should be thrown of the face of the earth".

Nobody is going to glare at you from a mile away because you have bigger or smaller feet than they do.

Nobody else will notice these things.

They are interested in you. As a person, not as an object. They will look at you and wonder how you manage to retain such an incredible personality with your beautiful smile and adorable laugh. They will wish that they could be your friend because they know how much you genuinely care about each individual person that feature in your life. In fact, they would probably be stood there, worrying to death about you noticing the couple of miniature but stubborn strands of hair that are out of place on their own eyebrows.

This is the one thing that every person always forgets. They are your insecurities because nobody else cares. 

All you need to be concerned about is carrying on being that brilliant person that you are. The high-achieving, optimistic, bubbly, kind, helpful bundle of joy that you always were and always will be.

That is all.

-LF, LR and MG

50 Shades of NO

You see, whilst millions of people trivialise the book '50 Shades of Grey' it has come to our attention a couple of days away from the premiere of the movie, that actually, this disgrace of a book and concept, needs to be taken down a peg or two.

What's wrong with 50 Shades of Grey, you ask?

Well here, we will tell you. 50 Shades of Grey, advocates the objectification of women as well as the notion that it is acceptable to coerce a women into what is effectively an abusive relationship, so long as it is written in a way that hides the pain. It is a glorification of the porn industry, but also a multimillion corporation that supports the exploitation of women. 

Not only does 50 Shades of Grey perpetuate the rape culture stereotypes, but it also does not specify under what conditions is it okay to have this kind of relationship with another human being. Of course the answer is never, but by not explicitly stating what they do and do not support, it potentially opens the flood gates for millions of people to support rape culture. Millions of people could be getting hurt here, and for what? For the perverse enjoyment of others who don't understand how harmful this is to both men and women.

"No," I protest, trying to kick him off. 

This is an actual line in the book, right before he rapes her. There is nothing consensual about this relationship, and the more people skate over what is really happening, the more powerful this concept is allowed to become.

And that is why we say 50 Shades of NO. 

Not because we are kill joys. Not because we can't see the trivial aspects of the story. But because we can see the extremely harmful effects that this already has, and is going to have on millions of people. 

Rape in any situation is unacceptable. Promoting and accepting an abusive relationship is unacceptable. It is time we wake up and understand the damaging effects that this story has on so many. It is not okay that we allow the media to breeze over the damaging effects of this and focus on the insignificant details such as the 'romance' or 'excitement'. It is not ok that we ourselves allow ourselves to breeze over these facts either. 

These types of degrading, dehumanising and horrific portrayal of 'desirable' features in a relationship are wrong. 50 Shades of Grey goes beyond the concept in society that is 'sexualisation' by taking it to a new level of sheer abuse.

So, to sum up. What we would like you to take away from this blog, is to speak now and speak out for 50 Shades of NO. 

-LF, LR and MG

Change

One word, 5 letters, such a strong impact.

Change can be seen in minor cases, such as an alteration in your morning routine or a new hairstyle. This form is mild, in general has a very small effect on a person and can easily be forgotten about.

However, this is not always the case. Some changes, for example moving schools, houses or even countries, can throw the balance of normality and usually does not feel right. It plays on your mind that something is not normal or even safe, and it can truly throw your emotions all over the place. You almost begin to doubt the people who are closest to you, nearly losing trust in the ones you love. You find that you feel alone, as if there is nobody that you could speak to because they could not possibly have experienced what you feel and anything that anyone says will throw you and make you feel worse.

Of course this does not happen in every situation; most large changes can be extremely beneficial and genuinely will help you in the long run. But the patience and time required for this effect to happen require so much energy, and it is tricky to handle at points.

I would like to give a few small pieces of advice, which I have followed recently and have got me through this tough period on uncountable occasions.

1) Give it time

Time is one of the greatest healers. Though it seems long, as if you are travelling down a long road of unsettlement, there will come a turn at the end which clearly shows positive effects. This turn-around will not happen overnight, it will take time. Once that time is up, there will be no looking back.

2) Patience is key

Do not, under any circumstances, give up. Coupling with point number 1, settling does not come instantly. If you feel a loss of motivation or like it is the end of the world, this feeling will certainly not last forever and if you bare with the situation for a few weeks, it will improve.

3) Acceptance

It is more than okay to feel upset. Joint with discomfort will generally come a feeling of being pathetic or guilt for your negative emotions. Ignore them. Being sad is normal, as long as you acknowledge the fact that this will not last forever.

4) Change your thoughts

It is no use trying to apply yourself to a situation if all of your thoughts are clouded by negativity and you are not willing to make an effort. Force yourself to step out of your comfort zone a small amount each day, whether it be talking to somebody or holding a smile for five minutes. This alteration in attitudes will cause steps 1 and 2 to come along much easier and there will be a noticeable difference in yourself.

So to summarise, whilst change is inevitable, there are ways of avoiding making it more difficult than it should be. Whilst I have only named 4 steps, there are many more: why not try to come up with some yourselves?

Best of luck.

-LF, LR and MG