Expectation vs Reality

We all do it. Spending hours wondering what our lives could be like if you'd said that, done that, looked like that. What we would be like if we were skinnier, prettier, smarter, nicer, happier, richer, or anything other than what we are.

We like to question our choices, bisect ourselves until there is nothing left, and the craziest thing is, that we never get to the root of our actions anyway.

When once asking a teacher if she had any regrets, she told me something that has stuck with me since. She told me:

"I don't believe in regrets. I don't believe in regrets because in that moment you thought you were doing the right thing, and you should never regret doing the right thing." 

I think that a toxic part of our personalities is that we focus too much on what we should have said and done. On what we should be like, and we reprimand ourselves on the fact that we are different to how we imagined we would be.

When really, how often is it that we end up in the place we thought we would. People always say that the best adventures are the ones that are unplanned. So surely, if life is the best adventure, wouldn't it be better to leave it unplanned.

We need to stop having expectations of what we should be like, what we should look like and what we should be doing because it just damages the person we are right now.

Don't get me wrong- reach for the stars. Having goals and working towards them is very important. But don't get so sidetracked working on who you should be, that you forget to enjoy who you are now.

You might not have reached up to your expectations, because often the people we hold ransom to unrealistic expectations, is ourselves. We beat ourselves down for not getting the best grades, for not being the best at something or the prettiest or the skinniest or the most outgoing. When in reality, we need to appreciate ourselves for who we are.

I don't mean 'no regrets' like in the 'yolo' sense. I mean no regrets, because you are living your life on one path, when by now you have probably made a few choices that means that you could have been living your life on a totally different one.

I mean, don't regret who you are. Don't regret how far you've come. Even though for most of you, the person you are now, is nothing like the person you thought you might become, that doesn't mean you should regret that.

As I said, the best adventures in life are unplanned, and if life is the best adventure, then you're doing it great.

Just something to think about over this stressful period!

-LF, LR, and MG

An Explanation For Our (Short-Term) Absence

Hello there!

I thought that rather than leaving you in the dark, it would be best for us to explain why our blog posts will be irregular and disjointed for a short while.

As we can see, not all of the views that we receive are sourced in the United Kingdom, which is where we are from. This may mean that you don't know how the British education system runs. All three of us are 17 years old, meaning we are in the stage of the school process called 'sixth form'. This is a two-year period in which we study 3-5 subjects in a lot of depth and do exams during the months of May and June of both years. These grades will assist us in applying to university or elsewhere (although the three of us are extremely keen on going to university).

Our exams begin on Monday the 11th of May and end around the 12th of June, meaning we are pretty much studying for hours on end, not leaving the house, barely even speaking to each other!

So this explains why our blog may be lacking in posts for the next couple of weeks - we care so much about our exams and truly want to do the best that we can. We may end up posting at some point as a way of escaping the stress of this period, though it is unlikely that I personally will be.

If anyone is interested, these are the subjects that all three of us are studying:

LR - English Literature, Psychology, History and Politics
LF - English Literature, Drama and Theatre Studies, Psychology and Sociology
MG - Maths, Further Maths, Chemistry, Physics and History

Moreover, these subject choices may explain further information.

'MG' is clearly taking far more mathematical and scientific subjects, aside from one. She believes that she "cannot write" (her words, not mine), therefore she provides the facts and statistics and always reviews our posts before we place them online. In the future, expect more from her!

Thank you so much for reading this and supporting us, we truly appreciate it.

Best of luck if you also have exams coming up,

- LF, LR and MG

Surviving the Holidays

As study leave looms over us, and we can practically smell summer, most people are thinking about the long days they will spend in bed, followed by the long nights they will spend out, being carefree.

However, for some of you out there, the summer fills you with a sense of dread. For you, summer means six long weeks filled up whatever it is that school takes you away from.

Whether you go to school to escape your families or to see your friends or just because its a safe space, even if you wouldn't admit it out loud, the fact is, six weeks away from school, makes you want to cry.

Sometimes the weekends are long enough, so with that in mind, I'm going to give you some tips of how to survive the long summer months, because its okay not to want to go home!

1) Try and start planning something now. If you have the sort of parents that don't like you to make plans where you are out all day and all night, then make as many plans as you can, without aggravating them. The last thing you want is for them to ban you from going out. Try work within your boundaries to ensure that you live with the least amount of tension possible.

2) Work out your support network. Whether it be a few friends who know how much you don't want to be at home, or a teacher that you can email during the holidays. Try have both, but whatever you have works fine. Promise them that you will update them on whats going on. Don't leave yourself uncontactable for six weeks. You will feel lonely, you will feel isolated and if something happens and you need to get out- this will be the first person you can contact. I can't stress this enough: Don't leave yourself with no one. A helpful tip, once you work out who you are going to trust, speak to them so they know you might need them. They won't mind. Also, be aware that they might be going away, so check when they are here, so if you need them but they aren't around, you don't panic.

3) Get a job. Even if you don't need the money, which lets be honest, isn't that probable, because everyone needs money! It will buy you time out the house, whilst giving you a purpose, and letting your parents think that you are doing something with your life. All things that will help you get through the summer.

4) Find a hobby that keeps you busy. Take up a sport, or an art, or to be honest, anything that will keep you busy. Find something that will take you a few hours a day, or a few hours a week, preferably something you enjoy, or something you think you will grow to love.

5) Find a safe chat room to talk if you need. Go onto childline.com or 7cupsoftea and vent or ask for advice if you don't think you can do it, or you just need a space to yell.

6) Most importantly, stay safe and stay heard. Keep in contact with someone every day. When it gets too much, say so and go out, or spend the night at a friend. Don't do anything wreck less, but if you need to get out, then go. Your mental and physical health comes first, so please don't forget that. Don't forget to eat and sleep.

Don't forget that you are a beautiful person and no matter what you are inevitably going to have to face over the summer, that you are going to be okay. You will survive it, because you always have done, and when you get back to school after the summer or study leave, or even the weekend, you made it.

I believe in you, I really do.

Please if you need anything feel free to comment. You are reading this post from someone who is speaking from experience, so I am here for all of you.

-LF, LR and MG

America: The Land Of The Free?

I ask myself a question. A question that millions of black people have to ask themselves everyday, when they are faced with their racist oppressors. The same people that have families, just as they do. The same people that love and are loved, just as they are.

"Do black lives matter?" 

Because as far as America, is concerned, freedom is only about white people. Freedom is for those who have civil rights, and belong to their country. Oh wait. That's right... those who have civil rights aren't confined to a skin colour, because we are in the twenty first century.

And if America really is the 'land of the free' then why, in the last two years have over 200 black lives been taken brutally and unfairly by the American police force, for no reason other than the colour of their skin? 

And why is it, that when a white person is killed in an unjust way, nation wide we cry out, and we blame the system. We get angry, and we fight for justice. 

But when a black person is murdered by those who are supposed to keep the peace, not pervert it, we apathetically sigh, spend a moment contemplating what is going on, but then drop it and carry on with our lives?

BLACK LIVES MATTER. 

It astounds and horrifies me that we live in a world where these murders are allowed to go on. And then when the people of Baltimore stand up and say no more, what happens? They get criticised for standing up and speaking out. 

I don't know about you, but I'm furious. I'm furious that we allow this to continue, in 'the land of the free'. That we allow this type of disgusting, gut wrenching tragedy to continue. I am once again, shocked and appalled by the apathetic nature of our world. 

I wonder to myself what it will take, for the rest to stand up and take notice. Take notice of the god-awful events that are happening. 

I make a plea to everyone reading this: Please, please don't be apathetic. Please, I am begging you, stand up and speak now. Even if you know black lives matter, but it doesn't have a direct effect on you. 

Stand up and speak now, because we have to end this war of racism. 

Stand up and speak now, join me in advocating that black lives do matter.  

-LF, LR, MG

The "Comfort Zone"

For most people, stepping out of your comfort zone can be your worst nightmare. There are so many different cases for this, but I know that for me personally (as seen in my post on insecurities which can be found here), I am extremely self-conscious and when it comes to dressing myself; I am stuck because I do not dare touch most tight clothing, including jeans, and I'm always concerned about how people look at me. I also know that I am not the only one. (In this case, take a look at that post I linked to, I'm quite proud of it!).

But, you see, there are ways in which you can compensate for you remaining in the "comfort zone". For some people, it's the way in which they do their make up in the mornings which brings them so much more confidence to use to speak to people. It may be that they are extremely bright and brainy, so their excellent results shine through the intellectual challenges that they face, or they are a passionate ice skater and soar across the slippery surface as quickly as their legs would let them.

For me, it's performing. I discovered this when I was around 7 years old. I'm not terribly sure where exactly it sprouted from, I just felt like starting one of the new extra-curricular clubs and I haven't stopped since. Maybe it was the lovely teacher who motivated us to keep trying, or maybe it was the friendly faces surrounding me, but I don't remember. I now have a huge passion for the theatre and drama, whether it be devising my own performance or following the strict stage directions and the director's interpretations. I may not be excellent at maths or have a super skinny body, but I sure can perform my little heart out in front of an audience filled with people that I adore. I can allow the adrenalin to race through my body which forces me to shine as an actor and express myself through this creative way. I also love to write (hence setting up this blog with my two best friends), and read, and sing, and play music.

I know, I have gone quite off topic, sorry!

What I wanted to say in this blog post that there are so many different ways to express yourself, so there is NO reason to put yourself down because you're not "smart enough", "creative enough" or even "pretty enough". You are you, which is the best that you can be.
Yes, it is great to stay in the "comfort zone", it is safe and secure. But life gets too boring after a while in there, so it's brilliant to spice things up and try something new. I never thought that I would be able to even comprehend what different pieces of make up do, but now I can't put it down! It's great fun to try something new, even if it means taking a step down a different route which you are not used to. But sometimes it's nice to stick to things that you enjoy the most, such as sports, reading, baking, you name it!

To summarise: you do you, don't let anyone judge you for it.

Thank you for reading this far into my ramblings,
- LF, LR and MG
xxx

On Suicide

Truthfully, I do not know too much information on this subject, which is the exact point of this post.

On average, 1 person commits suicide every 16.2 minutes. 
Nearly 400,000 people attempt suicide in the U.S. every year. 
Alcoholism plays a role in 1 out 3 cases of suicide.

And yet I don't know much on this topic.

As such a common incident, suicide remains one of those topics that people to this day brush away in hope that the issue will shrink and eventually vanish. People still attach this stigma to the issue of suicide, which is not okay.

I read a book last month titled 'All the Bright Places' by Jennifer Niven. (I promise, there will be no huge spoilers here). The basic plot is that two teenagers, who attend the same high school, meet each other at the top of the school's bell tower, about to jump off. The novel proceeds to follow the two characters' stories and how they affected each other's lives.
This book struck a nerve in me. Not necessarily because of the story or the writing style - which are both fantastic - but the author's note  at the end. Niven explains that her Great Grandfather was a victim of suicide, as was somebody that she had become extremely close to. Though she wasn't close to her relative, the issue of suicide remained prominent in her life and also the lives of her family. She felt that she didn't know enough about the topic and wishes to this day that she could have done something to help.

I would like to direct you to the website http://www.suicide.org/. This is a phenomenal website which is filled with rich information on suicide, including facts, statistics and helplines. This website is thoroughly important and is the perfect website to go to if you are in need.

One message from Kevin Caruso that I would like to share here is what he wrote about how to talk to a suicidal person. He explains that there are five steps:

1) Listen attentively 
2) Offer words of encouragement and support
3) Let the person know that you are deeply concerned
4) If the person is at high risk, do not leave them alone
5) Talk openly about suicide

I urge you to take a look at this website, and also to speak up about suicide. It could help a huge amount of people.

Thank you for reading,

- LF, LR and MG

How Not To Be Squashed By Exam Stress

Everyone knows what we mean when we say the summer term. Long gone are the happy memories of extended break time in the sun, t-shirts and shorts or summer dresses. The mixture of suncream and ice cream wafting in through the open classroom windows.

All that disappeared as most of us hit year ten, with it intensifying for year 11-13. Now when someone mentions the summer term, you see a bunch of 15-18 year olds cringing, significantly tensing up, tears welling in their stressed out eyes.

We all know that with May and June approaching, summer term turns into exam season. Counting down the days until our first exam and then to the last, before we are free! However, on some level or another, exams are known to cause a lot of distress and in the worst cases can trigger intense anxiety, depression and cause us to malfunction because we are unable to survive copious amounts of pressure that piles up as exams loom closer.

So how to survive?! Revision is a must, and the long days can sometimes be too much for people to take. Here are some tips that should get you through the summer months:

1) Each day set yourself reasonable targets of what you want to achieve. Try to set a small list of things that you know you will be able to accomplish if you stick to schedule. Some people find a timetable the most effective way to do this, but personally, a list works just find, ticking the things you have done as you go. This way at the end of each day, you will feel that you have achieved what you needed to do, and end off by feeling good about yourself and your progress instead of overwhelmed and like you are unable to meet your targets. This way you will maintain a hard working and positive attitude that will see you through the exam period.

2) Sleep. (I don't mean between 3am to 12pm.) I mean sleep long, workable hours. Aim for about eight hours a night, with an early start so that you can be productive from the beginning of the day and finish revision as early as possible. The less time spent working in the evening the better, in order to get a good break and prepare yourself for the next day. Sleep is a time for your body and your brain to get optimum rest, so don't miss out on it, because it will affect your revision outcomes.

3) Maintaining a healthy diet and drinking water. This is something that is often preached about, but seriously can actually have a big effect. It is proven that a healthy body can equal a healthy mind, and therefore, eating three good meals a day, with a snack in between can alter your progress and help you in feeling better and more productive during the day.

4) Take breaks! It is unhealthy to be stuck inside all day! I suggest working in a room with windows, natural daylight is important, and opening your window will make the room brighter and help you to focus with fresh air. After you tick off one thing on your list, take a 15-20 minute break, helping you re-cooperate and will also keep you focused when you are working. Once a day, take a longer break, say 45 minutes and go for a walk, get fresh air and some exercise, both things that have significantly improved my progress in revision.

Those are just some techniques that help me to calm down and stay focused. Exam stress for the most part is inevitable, but as long as you practise calming techniques, as listed above, you will hopefully give yourself enough breathing space to remember that you are going to do it.

I would say that the best way not to be squashed by exam stress is to remember one very important thing:

Yes, exams are important and no one is denying that. However, exams are not the only important thing. They do not define who you are as a person and what you are going to be like for the rest of your life. They do help shape your future, but there are so many other factors that shape your future, not just exams. Sometimes you just need to go for a walk or have a chat with a friend to remind yourself that life will go on, and the most important thing is that you retain your mental and physical health, not that you pass your exams but have become a wreck as well.

At the end of the day, we should not be letting a bunch of letters on a sheet of paper define who we are or what we are worth as people, and when you find yourself being swallowed up by the idea that your exams are the be all and end all, take a step out, read this post, and remind yourself that you are worth so much more that some grades on a piece of paper, and you should never forget that.

-LF, LR and MG