Everyone experiences many kinds of people. People who are funny, smart, gentle, kind, responsible, jokey, and so on. People who are there for you when you need them, or that you are there for when they need you. People who stick around for a long time, or people you meet for a day.
My point is that people can walk in and walk out of your life at any time. This brings about mixed emotions; it is so exciting when a new friend strolls into your life and is bound to stick around for ages, but on the other hand, an old friend who waltzes out of your life without you even noticing is startling and upsetting.
In life, this will happen so much. I guarantee that the majority of the people from your day care when you were only a toddler walked out of your life practically as soon as you walked out of those doors for the last time. I guess it just hurts more when you grow up, and did not expect to see people leave so soon.
Say you discover a brand new, flashy group of friends. You bond over endless laughter and various hobbies in common, or even hobbies that are different that are so fresh and interesting that you wish to find out more. This is one of the greatest feelings - connecting with people that you instantly recognise will become a close friend and important figure in your life. However, at the expense of these sparkly new friends, there is a loss of some old faces. You didn't notice them leaving, but one day it hits you and you feel an overwhelming pang of sadness. You see them with their flashy new friends and smile because you know they feel the same way that you do, but there's still this selfish part of your brain that says "but that was me 12 years ago".
I heard a metaphor in this video (credit to Dodie Clark, my inspiration for so many things), which links life to one big bus journey. People will enter and exit the bus at many different times, but you will be on this bus witnessing everyone passing by. The lesson that I gained from this metaphor is to not be too upset over the passengers that have stuck by for the longest time, but to look back and feel pleased that they did travel with you for so long. This lesson is particularly relevant at the moment to me, and will become even more so, as the three of us begin our university journeys.
Thank you for reading this, it has felt good to be blogging again. I am so sorry for my prolonged absence...I kind of fell out of love with blogging for a few different reasons, but this rambling has been oddly cathartic. Needless to say, I have regained my love and I will not go on a hiatus this long again.
-LF, LR and MG
xxx
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, 11 February 2016
Monday, 19 October 2015
Accidentally Jealous
Do you ever accidentally feel intensely jealous of another person?
I know this is a strange way of phrasing something, but the term 'accidentally jealous' defines how I'm currently feeling.
Let's just say that a friend of yours is an extremely high achiever. Whether they are naturally clever or not, they always end up with the top results of the class, or even the year group. This person's results have got absolutely nothing to do with you. The results that you achieved were fine, they helped you move onto the next step...so why do you feel bad?
Let's just say that you and a friend are both auditioning for a play. The two of you have roles that you aspire to get, but by the end, your friend gains a fantastic role. You should feel so pleased for this person - great, they've managed to squeeze through such a tricky, competitive competition and gain a brilliant part in the play. Yet there's a huge pang of sorrow in your heart - should you not have got the role?
Let's just say that your friend has a crush on another person within your friendship group. After a few months, they act upon it and become boyfriend and girlfriend. (Or same sex - my example may-or-may-not be based on real life). You are extremely excited for your friends, who have found a whole new happiness in each other and in themselves. But you start to think about the amount of 'friends' that you have liked a little (or a LOT) more than a friend...why did things not end up like that between the two of you?
I like to call this 'accidental jealousy'. Where you know that rationally, you should feel happy for another person, when you actually feel a little bit sad that you are not in the same/similar position.
It has occurred to me recently that this is not a rare thing and, in fact, is quite normal. After all, that role was made for you, you deserved those As and that boy that you liked should definitely have been into you - like have you seen your reflection??!!
Anyway, I feel like this is okay. It is okay to feel this way. So long as it's only a short while. You need to find away to put those feelings aside, shove them into a box and lock it, so that you can be a pleasure to be around again. You can't necessarily vocalise these feelings as it may come back around and slap you in the face. And you certainly cannot lose confidence over it. So life seems to be going in favour of your friends right now, but your time is coming.
-LF, LR and MG
xxx
I know this is a strange way of phrasing something, but the term 'accidentally jealous' defines how I'm currently feeling.
Let's just say that a friend of yours is an extremely high achiever. Whether they are naturally clever or not, they always end up with the top results of the class, or even the year group. This person's results have got absolutely nothing to do with you. The results that you achieved were fine, they helped you move onto the next step...so why do you feel bad?
Let's just say that you and a friend are both auditioning for a play. The two of you have roles that you aspire to get, but by the end, your friend gains a fantastic role. You should feel so pleased for this person - great, they've managed to squeeze through such a tricky, competitive competition and gain a brilliant part in the play. Yet there's a huge pang of sorrow in your heart - should you not have got the role?
Let's just say that your friend has a crush on another person within your friendship group. After a few months, they act upon it and become boyfriend and girlfriend. (Or same sex - my example may-or-may-not be based on real life). You are extremely excited for your friends, who have found a whole new happiness in each other and in themselves. But you start to think about the amount of 'friends' that you have liked a little (or a LOT) more than a friend...why did things not end up like that between the two of you?
I like to call this 'accidental jealousy'. Where you know that rationally, you should feel happy for another person, when you actually feel a little bit sad that you are not in the same/similar position.
It has occurred to me recently that this is not a rare thing and, in fact, is quite normal. After all, that role was made for you, you deserved those As and that boy that you liked should definitely have been into you - like have you seen your reflection??!!
Anyway, I feel like this is okay. It is okay to feel this way. So long as it's only a short while. You need to find away to put those feelings aside, shove them into a box and lock it, so that you can be a pleasure to be around again. You can't necessarily vocalise these feelings as it may come back around and slap you in the face. And you certainly cannot lose confidence over it. So life seems to be going in favour of your friends right now, but your time is coming.
-LF, LR and MG
xxx
Monday, 11 May 2015
Expectation vs Reality
We all do it. Spending hours wondering what our lives could be like if you'd said that, done that, looked like that. What we would be like if we were skinnier, prettier, smarter, nicer, happier, richer, or anything other than what we are.
We like to question our choices, bisect ourselves until there is nothing left, and the craziest thing is, that we never get to the root of our actions anyway.
When once asking a teacher if she had any regrets, she told me something that has stuck with me since. She told me:
When really, how often is it that we end up in the place we thought we would. People always say that the best adventures are the ones that are unplanned. So surely, if life is the best adventure, wouldn't it be better to leave it unplanned.
We need to stop having expectations of what we should be like, what we should look like and what we should be doing because it just damages the person we are right now.
Don't get me wrong- reach for the stars. Having goals and working towards them is very important. But don't get so sidetracked working on who you should be, that you forget to enjoy who you are now.
You might not have reached up to your expectations, because often the people we hold ransom to unrealistic expectations, is ourselves. We beat ourselves down for not getting the best grades, for not being the best at something or the prettiest or the skinniest or the most outgoing. When in reality, we need to appreciate ourselves for who we are.
I don't mean 'no regrets' like in the 'yolo' sense. I mean no regrets, because you are living your life on one path, when by now you have probably made a few choices that means that you could have been living your life on a totally different one.
I mean, don't regret who you are. Don't regret how far you've come. Even though for most of you, the person you are now, is nothing like the person you thought you might become, that doesn't mean you should regret that.
As I said, the best adventures in life are unplanned, and if life is the best adventure, then you're doing it great.
Just something to think about over this stressful period!
-LF, LR, and MG
We like to question our choices, bisect ourselves until there is nothing left, and the craziest thing is, that we never get to the root of our actions anyway.
When once asking a teacher if she had any regrets, she told me something that has stuck with me since. She told me:
"I don't believe in regrets. I don't believe in regrets because in that moment you thought you were doing the right thing, and you should never regret doing the right thing."I think that a toxic part of our personalities is that we focus too much on what we should have said and done. On what we should be like, and we reprimand ourselves on the fact that we are different to how we imagined we would be.
When really, how often is it that we end up in the place we thought we would. People always say that the best adventures are the ones that are unplanned. So surely, if life is the best adventure, wouldn't it be better to leave it unplanned.
We need to stop having expectations of what we should be like, what we should look like and what we should be doing because it just damages the person we are right now.
Don't get me wrong- reach for the stars. Having goals and working towards them is very important. But don't get so sidetracked working on who you should be, that you forget to enjoy who you are now.
You might not have reached up to your expectations, because often the people we hold ransom to unrealistic expectations, is ourselves. We beat ourselves down for not getting the best grades, for not being the best at something or the prettiest or the skinniest or the most outgoing. When in reality, we need to appreciate ourselves for who we are.
I don't mean 'no regrets' like in the 'yolo' sense. I mean no regrets, because you are living your life on one path, when by now you have probably made a few choices that means that you could have been living your life on a totally different one.
I mean, don't regret who you are. Don't regret how far you've come. Even though for most of you, the person you are now, is nothing like the person you thought you might become, that doesn't mean you should regret that.
As I said, the best adventures in life are unplanned, and if life is the best adventure, then you're doing it great.
Just something to think about over this stressful period!
-LF, LR, and MG
Tuesday, 5 May 2015
Surviving the Holidays
As study leave looms over us, and we can practically smell summer, most people are thinking about the long days they will spend in bed, followed by the long nights they will spend out, being carefree.
However, for some of you out there, the summer fills you with a sense of dread. For you, summer means six long weeks filled up whatever it is that school takes you away from.
Whether you go to school to escape your families or to see your friends or just because its a safe space, even if you wouldn't admit it out loud, the fact is, six weeks away from school, makes you want to cry.
Sometimes the weekends are long enough, so with that in mind, I'm going to give you some tips of how to survive the long summer months, because its okay not to want to go home!
1) Try and start planning something now. If you have the sort of parents that don't like you to make plans where you are out all day and all night, then make as many plans as you can, without aggravating them. The last thing you want is for them to ban you from going out. Try work within your boundaries to ensure that you live with the least amount of tension possible.
2) Work out your support network. Whether it be a few friends who know how much you don't want to be at home, or a teacher that you can email during the holidays. Try have both, but whatever you have works fine. Promise them that you will update them on whats going on. Don't leave yourself uncontactable for six weeks. You will feel lonely, you will feel isolated and if something happens and you need to get out- this will be the first person you can contact. I can't stress this enough: Don't leave yourself with no one. A helpful tip, once you work out who you are going to trust, speak to them so they know you might need them. They won't mind. Also, be aware that they might be going away, so check when they are here, so if you need them but they aren't around, you don't panic.
3) Get a job. Even if you don't need the money, which lets be honest, isn't that probable, because everyone needs money! It will buy you time out the house, whilst giving you a purpose, and letting your parents think that you are doing something with your life. All things that will help you get through the summer.
4) Find a hobby that keeps you busy. Take up a sport, or an art, or to be honest, anything that will keep you busy. Find something that will take you a few hours a day, or a few hours a week, preferably something you enjoy, or something you think you will grow to love.
5) Find a safe chat room to talk if you need. Go onto childline.com or 7cupsoftea and vent or ask for advice if you don't think you can do it, or you just need a space to yell.
6) Most importantly, stay safe and stay heard. Keep in contact with someone every day. When it gets too much, say so and go out, or spend the night at a friend. Don't do anything wreck less, but if you need to get out, then go. Your mental and physical health comes first, so please don't forget that. Don't forget to eat and sleep.
Don't forget that you are a beautiful person and no matter what you are inevitably going to have to face over the summer, that you are going to be okay. You will survive it, because you always have done, and when you get back to school after the summer or study leave, or even the weekend, you made it.
I believe in you, I really do.
Please if you need anything feel free to comment. You are reading this post from someone who is speaking from experience, so I am here for all of you.
-LF, LR and MG
However, for some of you out there, the summer fills you with a sense of dread. For you, summer means six long weeks filled up whatever it is that school takes you away from.
Whether you go to school to escape your families or to see your friends or just because its a safe space, even if you wouldn't admit it out loud, the fact is, six weeks away from school, makes you want to cry.
Sometimes the weekends are long enough, so with that in mind, I'm going to give you some tips of how to survive the long summer months, because its okay not to want to go home!
1) Try and start planning something now. If you have the sort of parents that don't like you to make plans where you are out all day and all night, then make as many plans as you can, without aggravating them. The last thing you want is for them to ban you from going out. Try work within your boundaries to ensure that you live with the least amount of tension possible.
2) Work out your support network. Whether it be a few friends who know how much you don't want to be at home, or a teacher that you can email during the holidays. Try have both, but whatever you have works fine. Promise them that you will update them on whats going on. Don't leave yourself uncontactable for six weeks. You will feel lonely, you will feel isolated and if something happens and you need to get out- this will be the first person you can contact. I can't stress this enough: Don't leave yourself with no one. A helpful tip, once you work out who you are going to trust, speak to them so they know you might need them. They won't mind. Also, be aware that they might be going away, so check when they are here, so if you need them but they aren't around, you don't panic.
3) Get a job. Even if you don't need the money, which lets be honest, isn't that probable, because everyone needs money! It will buy you time out the house, whilst giving you a purpose, and letting your parents think that you are doing something with your life. All things that will help you get through the summer.
4) Find a hobby that keeps you busy. Take up a sport, or an art, or to be honest, anything that will keep you busy. Find something that will take you a few hours a day, or a few hours a week, preferably something you enjoy, or something you think you will grow to love.
5) Find a safe chat room to talk if you need. Go onto childline.com or 7cupsoftea and vent or ask for advice if you don't think you can do it, or you just need a space to yell.
6) Most importantly, stay safe and stay heard. Keep in contact with someone every day. When it gets too much, say so and go out, or spend the night at a friend. Don't do anything wreck less, but if you need to get out, then go. Your mental and physical health comes first, so please don't forget that. Don't forget to eat and sleep.
Don't forget that you are a beautiful person and no matter what you are inevitably going to have to face over the summer, that you are going to be okay. You will survive it, because you always have done, and when you get back to school after the summer or study leave, or even the weekend, you made it.
I believe in you, I really do.
Please if you need anything feel free to comment. You are reading this post from someone who is speaking from experience, so I am here for all of you.
-LF, LR and MG
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