Greatness?

I would say that the greatest people are not those who suffer or those that glide through life, untouchable and unscathed. But instead, those that go through life exactly like the rest of us: with all its bumps in the road, both good times and bad. Managing times that are extremely insufferable as well as things that are just the same mundane normal. But what sets great people apart from everyone else, is their ability to experience all these things, whilst simultaneously making something of themselves. Something that will set them apart from everyone else, because whilst it may not be obvious to others, these are the people that no matter the situation are able to retain their own sense of belief, faith and self – something that agreeably sets them apart.

The troubling thing however, is how we can maintain this no matter what the circumstances are. It does not seem human to be able to remain upbeat even in the hardest of times, but what is more, to consistently stay motivated to carry on, through this relentless journey of life. It seems almost robotic to expect those that are great to be able to uphold a certain standard, regardless of what they may be facing. Their perceived greatness almost dictates this assurance, that they will remain consistent in their beliefs, always sure of who they are and where they are going. It is therefore our need of someone else’s greatness, rather than to be great ourselves that we thirst for.

I would then perhaps say that whilst being great is what we look for, in some ways, a deeper version of ourselves does not strive for ‘greatness’ but it strives for motivation. It longs for that feeling of purpose and responsibility. The knowledge that what you are doing has meaning and the effort you are putting in now, will allow you to reap rewards in the future. You want to know that you are sowing the seeds right now, for a life later where you will stand in the midst of your fields, reaping in the produce of tiresome hard work, that months before seemed like an impossible task.

So maybe then, if it is motivation that we seek, less so ‘greatness’ then we admire in those we perceive to be ‘great’ not their ability to remain consistent throughout, but their motivation to see that their actions now will still contribute to whatever the consequence may be later. The ability to remain faithful to the idea that we must continue no matter what else life presents us with, so that one day we will be presented with the reward that we have earned.

Rather we must learn to maintain faithfulness in our actions and seek to work in an area that we find fulfilling in order that our ‘greatness’ comes easier. For ‘greatness’ I believe, cannot be measured in the amount that we suffer, but instead is measured individually, on what we do with the means that we have to turn whatever it is, into something of worth.

-LF, LR and MG xx

5 Good Things

A while ago I came up with an idea that changed the way I think. Previously, I had slipped into a really negative mindset. I constantly drew out the negatives in everything, and through this, was compounding my own situation by refusing to control the one thing I was able to control: my thoughts.

I'm not even quite sure how it started, but since around the summer, every evening (with the exception of a few forgetful nights) LF and I have exchanged '5 good things that have happened today'. At first, I became motivated to do this because I thought it would be a nice way to share some good things with one of my closest friends.

Within a few weeks however, I began to notice changes in the way I thought and the way I processed the things that happened to me. The premise of this activity is to find five things, however minute or gigantic that were good things that happened that day. Sometimes that means that the bus came on time, or I only cried once, and other days these things are bigger and more significant. But ultimately, the aim is the same.

I changed the way I thought by recognising all the little good things that can be easily overlooked. Some days this is really difficult when it has been an overwhelmingly bad day, but regardless, pushing myself to find things however seemingly insignificant, showed me that no matter what my day has been like, I am so blessed to have the things I have.

I get very easily sucked into a negative frame of mind, and honestly struggle to find the good in many situations. It has now been at least six months and now the network of positivity (as I like to call it) has expanded.

After a few months of sharing 5 good things with LF, I decided to share them with another friend too, after explaining what it was about, she liked the idea and asked to be involved. More months have gone by since then, and more people have become involved. My friend started it up with one of her friends, and I too have since sent them to a few other people.

In some ways, my 5 things are selfish: They help me to have a more positive outlook, they enable me to be grateful and they have truly changed the way I think. But in other ways, I think the 5 things, by spreading positivity through my friends has shown me the importance of sharing positive thoughts and feelings in order to give someone else a better day.

I have been amazed at how a small commitment has turned into something that grows bigger everyday, and so I would implore you to share 5 good things with your friends or family at the end of each day, and see how it changes the way you think!

LF, LR and MG xxx

New Year Thoughts (LF)

The reason that I am writing this post is because I was inspired by one of my closest friends' tweets. She wrote:

"This year needs to say bye bye"

and this got me thinking. Retrospectively, I don't think that 2015 was a bad year for me. I became more body confident, spent my entire summer having amazing experiences - work related or not, stopped biting my nails, completed my UCAS form and went for 3/5 of my interview days for universities, continued with my old hobbies and found some more, rekindled some old friendships and created new ones.

However, as I went through each month of this year, it didn't give off the same impression. I had mock exams, followed by the real things, grade disappointments, intense nostalgia, family struggles, anxiety surrounding events that I should not have been nervous for and many tears.

But as the year comes to a close, I am beginning to almost forget about those not-so-great times. I can now leave 2015 with the thought of it being not such a bad year for me. I know that in reality, it just wasn't great, but I think that the beauty of 2015 is that it is in the past now. If I cling onto those negative feelings, I won't be able to move on with my life. I won't be able to fully enjoy the rest of my final year of school, turning 18, prom, the extremely long summer holiday, and eventually (and hopefully) starting my university career.

I say this every year, but I think that 2016 will be my year. But this time, I am not just saying it. I am going to go out of my way to make sure that when I am a mother watching my children enter their 18th year in this world, I will be able to say "I loved being 18, it was one of my favourite years".

Obviously there are many aspects of my life that are out of my control, as with everyone. When it comes to those parts, it won't be that I will rise up and change things myself because I physically cannot do that. I feel like instead, it will be a change in mindset, which I will 100% benefit from. Instead of putting myself down all the time, I'm going to turn that around and positive thinking should come with rewards.

I also want to enter 2016 with the attitude that I will post more; I can't believe that I haven't posted since October!

Happy new year everyone <3

-LF, LR and MG
xxx

Moving On: Nostalgia and Change

I don't know about you, but I am certainly the type of person who finds it difficult to adjust to new ideas and let go of old ones. I suffer from terrible nostalgia and I get upset over things that once were. For example, it probably took me the majority of Year 7 (the first year of secondary school) to settle in, because I was longing to go back to primary school with my old friends and old teachers and not a care in the world. I would even try to prolong this holding onto my past by seeing only my primary school friends on Fridays after school. (I gave advice on how to cope with big changes here; this is slightly different).

I also tend to be stung by unchangeable factors. These are the worst, purely because they simply cannot be changed. I feel upset when I see people with thicker hair than me, people who are naturally smarter or funnier than me, or seeing my brother live every day of his life at an entirely different perspective to you or me due to his Autistic Spectrum Disorder. I get upset, more topically, when I do not fit into the desired category that teachers, friends, classmates and many more people may need, so I become left behind.

From these situations, I find it incredibly hard to move on. It is within my nature; I am a sensitive girl who overthinks everything and dwells on what could have been or what once was.

Though what I find very helpful is to try and reason with myself.

The first step to this is to allow yourself time to be upset. You are unhappy, unsettled or feeling nostalgic for a reason, be it rational or not. "It's okay not to be okay" is my favourite quote sometimes, as it reminds me that I am only human, and I am allowed to feel like this.

Then, I like to tell myself to stop. Yes, the time to be sad is necessary, but it should not have to change anything or get in the way of your productivity.

I then sit down alone and think about all of the positives that come out of the situation. Like how this has benefitted you, how you could change the way you do things the next time, and "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".

After that step, I find that I am able to not necessarily move on per-say, but at least I can see a light at the end of a tunnel and I am able to resume normal life.

Or scrap all of the advice I gave you and sit in bed eating ice cream - I recommend the new Walls' soft 'Big Scoop' chocolate ice cream. Best thing on the planet.

- LF, LR and MG
xxx

The "Comfort Zone"

For most people, stepping out of your comfort zone can be your worst nightmare. There are so many different cases for this, but I know that for me personally (as seen in my post on insecurities which can be found here), I am extremely self-conscious and when it comes to dressing myself; I am stuck because I do not dare touch most tight clothing, including jeans, and I'm always concerned about how people look at me. I also know that I am not the only one. (In this case, take a look at that post I linked to, I'm quite proud of it!).

But, you see, there are ways in which you can compensate for you remaining in the "comfort zone". For some people, it's the way in which they do their make up in the mornings which brings them so much more confidence to use to speak to people. It may be that they are extremely bright and brainy, so their excellent results shine through the intellectual challenges that they face, or they are a passionate ice skater and soar across the slippery surface as quickly as their legs would let them.

For me, it's performing. I discovered this when I was around 7 years old. I'm not terribly sure where exactly it sprouted from, I just felt like starting one of the new extra-curricular clubs and I haven't stopped since. Maybe it was the lovely teacher who motivated us to keep trying, or maybe it was the friendly faces surrounding me, but I don't remember. I now have a huge passion for the theatre and drama, whether it be devising my own performance or following the strict stage directions and the director's interpretations. I may not be excellent at maths or have a super skinny body, but I sure can perform my little heart out in front of an audience filled with people that I adore. I can allow the adrenalin to race through my body which forces me to shine as an actor and express myself through this creative way. I also love to write (hence setting up this blog with my two best friends), and read, and sing, and play music.

I know, I have gone quite off topic, sorry!

What I wanted to say in this blog post that there are so many different ways to express yourself, so there is NO reason to put yourself down because you're not "smart enough", "creative enough" or even "pretty enough". You are you, which is the best that you can be.
Yes, it is great to stay in the "comfort zone", it is safe and secure. But life gets too boring after a while in there, so it's brilliant to spice things up and try something new. I never thought that I would be able to even comprehend what different pieces of make up do, but now I can't put it down! It's great fun to try something new, even if it means taking a step down a different route which you are not used to. But sometimes it's nice to stick to things that you enjoy the most, such as sports, reading, baking, you name it!

To summarise: you do you, don't let anyone judge you for it.

Thank you for reading this far into my ramblings,
- LF, LR and MG
xxx

Finding Your Happiness

“The grass might not always be greener on the other side, but the sun definitely shines brighter when you’re happy.”

If I’m being honest, I don’t think I really understood the gravity of what this means until the last few weeks.

When you’re in a situation, it is so easy to just get bogged down in it. It is so easy to let yourself be consumed by the struggle, by the stress and the anger and the sadness of whatever you’re going through. Most of the time we don’t even realise we are doing it until we stop. Day after day, it’s all you can think about, its all you eat, sleep and breath.

The worst part about it, is that its not even like you realise. Its not even like you know that you’re doing it. And without realising you are becoming your problems. They’ve swallowed you whole, and now you can’t separate between what your situation is and who you are. It’s such a horrible feeling. Going around all the time with this massive weight bearing on your shoulders, not knowing what to do. Sinking into the sand, not by choice, but because essentially you just don’t know how to save yourself.

But here is something that I have learnt. You don’t need to fix your problems. Most of the time you can’t fix your problems, which is why they weigh down on you so much. All you have to do is smile.

That’s literally it. It sounds simple, but unlike most of everything else I say, it actually is simple. It is genuinely the most effective thing I have ever done in my life. One day, you just have to wake up.

Metaphorically, I mean. You have to wake up, and you have to tell yourself that from now on, you are going to be happy. From now on, you are going to stop wishing and waiting about the person you would someday like to become, and you are going to be that person.

No more waiting to be happy. No more waiting for a time where your problems and pain are no longer there. Because chances are, you’ll be waiting your whole life.

Start now. I promise you, you’ll have never felt so free. It is a beautiful feeling. It is a feeling that is like no other, when your smile meets you eyes, and you laugh and people tell you that you look happy. And you don’t just say thank you, and plaster on a fake smile. You laugh and agree with them, because you actually feel happy. You can feel that warmth that you have longed to feel since you can remember.

You mouth aches from laughing and your cheeks are stiff because wherever you can, you smile.

You smile because there is a part of you that has let go. There is a part of you that understands now that the only way to be happy, is to make your own happiness.

Because no one is going to make happiness for you, apart from yourself. And then, something weird happens. Suddenly, you see happiness in the blue sky, you see happiness in the rain and in the clouds. You see happiness in children, and in flowers. You see happiness in the way you skip along the road and laugh with your friends.

You hear happiness in music as you sing along to the beat.

And you know what? There are still times when you are sad. There are still times when you are stressed, sad and angry.

But somehow the fact that you are also happy, and can free yourself from your problems and the rest of your life, is the best gift anyone ever got you, and the best part of that, is that it’s a gift you gave yourself.

As humans, we have a very special power. We have a power that enables us to feel. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget to feel the sunshine on your face, or the flowers in your hair. Don’t wait so long that you can’t remember what it feels like to be happy, or what is feels like to truly laugh.

It isn’t going to rid you of all pain, it isn’t going to solve the things you have been trying to solve. But it is going to brighten up that darkness.

And most of the time, all we need is a little bit of light to show us the way.

-LF, LR and MG

How to Stay Strong

Hope is a funny thing. You keep telling yourself that it will get better, but deep down, in the pit of your stomach, where all your anxieties live, you can't help but remind yourself that although at some point it may get better, it still hasn't yet.

Here is the thing, even in your darkest moment, on your darkest days, you have to remember that you can do it. You have to remember that you are as strong as you need to be and that no matter what life throws at you, you are capable.

Because in the end, everyone has pain, its whether or not you chose to suffer with it: that is key.

You have to take a deep breath, and remember that whatever is going on now, isn't permanent, and that there is going to be a time where this time in your life when you spent days and weeks not being able to look past it, fades into the past.

There is going to be a time, where you are living your life the way that you want to, with everything behind you.

Hold on to that thought, and don't let go. No matter what happens, if you have that thought of 'its going to be okay' then it will be okay.

A lot of the time, we believe that things happen to us are going to break us, not build us. But you have to hold on to the fact that the darkest times come just before dawn, and that if you can just wait it out until the morning, and keep on fighting, then it is going to be worth it.

I promise you, that no matter how hard it gets, no matter how many times you break down and you tell yourself that you can't do it anymore, you can do it.

You are so much stronger than you think. Never ever forget that.

It is always ok to feel like you just can't do it anymore, it is always ok to feel that nothing is ever going to get fixed, as long as you remember that it will. As long as you remember that it is worth the fight, it is worth the tears. Because at some point, it will come right.

What will be, will be. But as long as you know you have done everything you could to help yourself, then whatever happens will happen for the good.

I can't tell you that whats going on in your life is as a result of anything, but I can tell you that it is going to build you into the most incredible person. And that when you smile, it isn't the smile of a broken person, it is the smile of a warrior.

The smile of a person, who has built their self on strength, on bravery and on kindness. On the basis that one day, one day they are going to get there. One day they are going to look back and smile, and say that they did it.

And if you never forget any of that, then you will stay strong. You will stay strong until the very end, and I believe in you.

Please remember to speak out and speak now, if you are having a hard time staying strong.

-LF, LR and MG

Insecurities

We all have them. Those tiny aspects of your face, body or personality that stick out to you like a sore thumb. They play on your mind and cause you to think endless things, such as how you can best hide your bingo wings or whether your foundation has enough coverage to conceal the atrocity that you call your acne-ridden forehead. You feel almost paranoid as soon as anyone looks in the direction of your 'thunder thighs' or your gigantic nose.

These are your insecurities. 

They are a huge deal in your life.

But they are not a huge deal in anyone else's.

Nobody is going to look at you and think "oh dear that person's face is utterly horrendous because they have freckly cheeks, that means that they are an awful human being and should be thrown of the face of the earth".

Nobody is going to glare at you from a mile away because you have bigger or smaller feet than they do.

Nobody else will notice these things.

They are interested in you. As a person, not as an object. They will look at you and wonder how you manage to retain such an incredible personality with your beautiful smile and adorable laugh. They will wish that they could be your friend because they know how much you genuinely care about each individual person that feature in your life. In fact, they would probably be stood there, worrying to death about you noticing the couple of miniature but stubborn strands of hair that are out of place on their own eyebrows.

This is the one thing that every person always forgets. They are your insecurities because nobody else cares. 

All you need to be concerned about is carrying on being that brilliant person that you are. The high-achieving, optimistic, bubbly, kind, helpful bundle of joy that you always were and always will be.

That is all.

-LF, LR and MG

Change

One word, 5 letters, such a strong impact.

Change can be seen in minor cases, such as an alteration in your morning routine or a new hairstyle. This form is mild, in general has a very small effect on a person and can easily be forgotten about.

However, this is not always the case. Some changes, for example moving schools, houses or even countries, can throw the balance of normality and usually does not feel right. It plays on your mind that something is not normal or even safe, and it can truly throw your emotions all over the place. You almost begin to doubt the people who are closest to you, nearly losing trust in the ones you love. You find that you feel alone, as if there is nobody that you could speak to because they could not possibly have experienced what you feel and anything that anyone says will throw you and make you feel worse.

Of course this does not happen in every situation; most large changes can be extremely beneficial and genuinely will help you in the long run. But the patience and time required for this effect to happen require so much energy, and it is tricky to handle at points.

I would like to give a few small pieces of advice, which I have followed recently and have got me through this tough period on uncountable occasions.

1) Give it time

Time is one of the greatest healers. Though it seems long, as if you are travelling down a long road of unsettlement, there will come a turn at the end which clearly shows positive effects. This turn-around will not happen overnight, it will take time. Once that time is up, there will be no looking back.

2) Patience is key

Do not, under any circumstances, give up. Coupling with point number 1, settling does not come instantly. If you feel a loss of motivation or like it is the end of the world, this feeling will certainly not last forever and if you bare with the situation for a few weeks, it will improve.

3) Acceptance

It is more than okay to feel upset. Joint with discomfort will generally come a feeling of being pathetic or guilt for your negative emotions. Ignore them. Being sad is normal, as long as you acknowledge the fact that this will not last forever.

4) Change your thoughts

It is no use trying to apply yourself to a situation if all of your thoughts are clouded by negativity and you are not willing to make an effort. Force yourself to step out of your comfort zone a small amount each day, whether it be talking to somebody or holding a smile for five minutes. This alteration in attitudes will cause steps 1 and 2 to come along much easier and there will be a noticeable difference in yourself.

So to summarise, whilst change is inevitable, there are ways of avoiding making it more difficult than it should be. Whilst I have only named 4 steps, there are many more: why not try to come up with some yourselves?

Best of luck.

-LF, LR and MG